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Author Topic: Production Haikus  (Read 199865 times)

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TarytheA

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Production Haikus
« on: Apr 19, 2012, 12:24 pm »
I love the haiku thread about actors, but haven't seen a thread about anyone/anything else in the process (except a tech thread in the archives).  And I know that actors aren't the only ones who behave poorly sometimes!

So this thread is for venting about designers, directors, PMs, crew, audience, etc!

This haiku is dedicated to my lighting designer:

The set is behind.
I know that's not ideal.
But leave in a huff?

Now you can't Focus
'Cuz April snuck up on you...
Your taxes aren't done???

They're college students
At a community school
Please cut them some slack!

Your words don't make sense:
"I'm not Mr. Negative;
The show's a failure."

You really said that?
Loud enough the cast could hear?
Unprofessional.

Re-number whole script?
The day before opening?
You must be crazy.
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"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
-Herm Albright

planetmike

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #1 on: Apr 19, 2012, 12:36 pm »
She told you what time?
The director is crazy
Call is 6PM
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amagelssen

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2012, 01:43 pm »
For the producers and director who texted me at 7 am every morning this week:

Rehearsals run late
Am not a morning person
Wait til after nine
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LCSM

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2012, 10:16 pm »
Quote from: amagelssen on May 04, 2012, 01:43 pm
For the producers and director who texted me at 7 am every morning this week:
 
 Rehearsals run late
 Am not a morning person
 Wait til after nine
 

Keeping up with your
six am e-mails is tough.
Need coffee. Or sleep.
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dallas10086

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2012, 11:23 pm »
I get that you're stressed,
But I'm only one person...
Gotta sleep sometime!
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On_Headset

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2012, 03:53 pm »
That's a fire alarm.
I understand that we're busy--
but I don't want to die.
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Lizzie

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2012, 06:40 pm »
You asked me to help
Out by hemming some gauzes
There is no-one else..

I'm happy to help
But you left out half the task
Now I look a fool

The designer is
Asking why it isn't done
You're not here in tech

Yes, I'm a bit cross
You dropped me in the poop, and
My props aren't ready

So next time you want
Help from me, you can take a
Running jump, so there.
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missliz

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #7 on: Jan 08, 2013, 06:26 pm »
"These things magically
always get fixed during tech."
You mean, *I* fix them.
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I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

dallas10086

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #8 on: Jan 09, 2013, 12:41 am »
What a bright idea!
Two 12 foot high staircases
Only actors move.  ???

Over 30 moves -
Techs can't lend a hand onstage
Because they'll be seen.

Forget herding cats!
This is closer to staging
The apocalypse.
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StageSerenity

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #9 on: Jan 18, 2013, 05:51 pm »
No line notes really!??!
Need all the help they can get
First director? No. ???  :o

Sorry about that,
Forgot my famous line notes
At home, sorry guys.   :-[


 Repeat offender

Can't find your pencil.
You had another breakdown.
Director, take 10.
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Grant me the **Serenity**
to accept the things that I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to hide those people...

leastlikely

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #10 on: Jan 19, 2013, 08:42 pm »
I *know* the floor was
Dark on the model. Don't spring
White on us in tech.
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Tempest

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #11 on: Jan 20, 2013, 09:20 am »
Puppets. HOW much blood?
How many violent deaths?
Poe. You know, for kids!
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StageSerenity

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #12 on: Jan 23, 2013, 09:58 pm »
Dear god, please kill me,
Saves me from more prison time,
Director is dead.

I do not like you,
And actually I hate you,
Please go away now.

First time director?
No, if you were I could cope
Lose the 'tude, and work.

You are always right
Please don't have a breakdown here
Storms out, up stage left.

I guess I'll take 5,
please cool down and lose the 'tude
Or else I will die.
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Grant me the **Serenity**
to accept the things that I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to hide those people...

Samazon

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #13 on: Jan 23, 2013, 10:27 pm »
If you are busy,
Save yourself a little pain
Don't micromanage.

I am still in school
But we've done this once before.
Let me do my job.
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bex

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Re: Production Haikus
« Reply #14 on: Jan 24, 2013, 01:17 am »
Trying to track props-
Cast is still holding their scripts.
Props are all paper.

Pages disappear
Into the script in your hand-
Where is the prop now?

Line from show: "What the
F*** is this piece of paper?!"
This is my nightmare.
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You will have to sing for your supper & your mortgage, your dental coverage & your children's shoes, over & over again while people in desk jobs roll their eyes the minute you start to complain. So it's a good thing you like to sing.
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