I had just turned 24 when my first AEA contract started. (In fact, Bridget, you were my ASM on that show.) I was a year and a half out of college, and I had spent the first year as an apprentice at a local theatre. That season, I SMed 3 AEA shows, 2 non-AEA shows, PA'ed for 1 show, spent 16 weeks working as a scenic painter, and did 5 other theatre jobs that were not SMing. There were weeks were I was doing 3 of these jobs at the same time. I could still barely afford my apartment and health insurance payments. And (as you probably remember), I didn't have a car- I took the bus/metro everywhere. And I was lucky- I worked enough each season to make my health weeks, and I was working.
Some of those jobs fell into my lap- I ran into a friend of a friend while waiting in the standby ticket line for a preview. She worked at a nearby theatre, and I wrote down my contact info on a scrap of paper. A couple of weeks later, the PM of that theatre called me for an interview and I spent most of the next 2 seasons there. One of the AEA jobs started with me as a non-AEA ASM (since I signed the contract before turning equity), and when the SM had a family emergency, I took over the show and the equity contract.
It took me about 3 years to build up my experience/resume to the point where I could get jobs at some of the theatres that I really wanted to work at. I was able to stop painting, and I didn't have to take as much "other" work besides SMing. I reached a point where, when I was offered some longer-term positions that were in theatre but not stage management, I took them. I tried the 9 to 5 lifestyle on for size (not my favorite), and started aggressively pursuing SM jobs.
Last year, I did not find a lot of employment in the area, so I went out of town for most of the season. (Ironically, as soon as I left town, people starting calling me about work in DC). I got a lot out of my season but really missed being here. This upcoming season is the first since turning AEA that I don't plan on taking on much or any outside work. This is the first year that I have a vacation planned. I have only been able to attend 1 wedding in the last 7 years.
It took this long to really build the relationships that I wanted with theatres in the area. If I had to do it over again, I would have tried to get "in" with some of the larger theatres by PAing there...(There are some places in this area that are much easier to break into at the ground level.) To be an equity stage manager, you have to be willing to make it through the tough first years. Whether you are AEA or not during that time, it's going to be hard. You have to figure out for yourself what the best career path is for you- turning AEA young may work out for you, or it could be to your benefit to make more connections and build more experience as a non-AEA stage manager first.