Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say

[BLee]

"Not my problem"

[LCSM]

"Of course I'm okay with you not knowing your lines! What? Didn't bring a script with you either? Well that's perfectly alright, you can just borrow mine! Don't worry about me having to write down blocking or cues, all that's just as much fluff."

[Mac Calder]

Of course you can just go and hang heavy objects willy nilly around the venue above the audiences head from the venues plaster roof. I am sure they won't mind the holes, and I am sure that nothing will fall down and brain someone!

[LCSM]

Of course you can just go and hang heavy objects willy nilly around the venue above the audiences head from the venues plaster roof. I am sure they won't mind the holes, and I am sure that nothing will fall down and brain someone!

Please tell me that was your crew and not your cast.

[Mac Calder]

No, it was an "Events theming designer" hired by a client, who wanted to hang large perspex rainbows above every table for a caberet/awards night I did last week. He wanted to put plaster hooks in the ceiling above everyones head.

As these hanging centerpieces had already been made without our consultation, we said "NO WAY!". In the end we put up two truss arches strapped to pillars of the room with rated ratchet straps and spansets, and strung high tensile wire (rated to 250kg) between the two, like a clothes line, then hung them off that... It was hell on earth.

[J]

"No fast food for me, thank you.  I only eat organic, all natural foods."

I think you'd be surprised on that one. I for one don't eat fast food!  To be completely honest, eating good food during tech week can make ALL the difference!

[sas]

"Not my problem"

Also, its ever popular cousin, "It's not my fault!"

[Amie]

"I forgot we had a show tonight."



Sorry if this was already said in the discussion and I missed it.

[Fitz]

"I wonder if these flats will burn well?"

No... I have said exactly that... during set strike when a particularly troublesome set of warped flats appeared to be on their way into storage instead of to a shop for repair or the scrap heap where they belonged!

[Tempest]

"I wonder if these flats will burn well?"

No... I have said exactly that... during set strike when a particularly troublesome set of warped flats appeared to be on their way into storage instead of to a shop for repair or the scrap heap where they belonged!

Yeah, I've said it, too.  I worked one place where we had a bonfire after each show...

My never thought I'd say it, but I just did, was yesterday.  I had to call places for one of my crew via cellphone because she was still on her way to the theatre!  Damn Daylight Savings Time....

[chops]

I'm calling this show... by feel.

I've actually done that on more than one occasion.  However they were concerts and not scripted or rehearsed so no other option really. 

How about..

My director and I agree about everything that goes on in the theatre.

Chatter on the headset is very important as it is the only way I stay informed about my spot opps love life.

I have no sense of separation anxiety when someone borrows my flashlight or sharpie. 

[Fitz]

I have no sense of separation anxiety when someone borrows my flashlight or sharpie. 

(snicker) I feel the same way, but my husband says my crazy is showing when I admit this in public.

[michaw]

when I am new in my company, I ask my stage manager...

ME: how many light cues do you have?

SM: i dont know, im only calling the sfx of thunder cues...

=)

[missliz]

"oh, just put that wherever."

[philimbesi]

Damn Daylight Savings Time

Yea I really wish they would do it around the same time every year so we we can get used to it.  Totally sneaks up on you now.