Nah, I don't need a headset. I'll communicate telepathically to my crew.
AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!! That's the BEST!!! How many times do i get asked if I want a headset!??! Drives me bonkers.
Another good one would be:
"No, dearest Run Crew, don't worry about sweeping and mopping every day, I'm sure the deck is clean enough. If I feel it needs to be done I'll gladly do it myself, after all it clearly is my responsibility. Oh what's that? Today is our first day onstage and the carpenters felt they didn't need to sweep either? I'm sure that's fine, after all, how much sawdust and loose screws and staples could there be?"
Or:
"Dressing cables and providing adequate backstage Run Lights? I'm sure that's unnecessary. And clearly not the Master Electrician's responsibility. And clearly not the Head Carpenter's job to doublecheck. If it needs to be done, I'm sure it must be my job. But that's probably me just being too anal and demanding again. Gosh, what a jerk am I."
And my favorite:
"You're right, I am a dick for not understanding that the crew needs to be getting high on the bus at least three hours before the show, and so what if the show's not finished being preset and there are no run lights and nothing is swept?! *I* must be just a giant raging monster of a jerk."