Things Stage Managers Say

[PSMKay]

Are we still doing a video?  I would like to film some stuff.  I seriously thought about doing one myself before I saw this post.  I am also available to edit, should we find a place to post footage.

Sorry for the lag. I have been working 50 hr/7 day weeks without a day off since early February - that's the burden of running two businesses. Our server space is not sufficiently ample to handle storage for video. I would suggest using the Facebook group to up the original footage if that's a viable option, although something tells me that this meme's moment has already passed.

With this as with all things you guys are welcome to do whatever projects you like that might arise out of our discussions. Just bear in mind that we're a little tight on storage space on this server.

[Trak26]

Some of the basic ever repetitive things I say
Don't think - just do!
Please do not be late or I will be your new stalker (said from the first rehearsal)
Do not drink/eat on the set
Do not smoke in costume
Of course you are my favourite cast that I have ever worked with
The props are not toys
Patience, Rome was not built in a day and the set will be finished before opening night.


Some offbeat stuff
Can you reduce the amount of body oil you are using as it is leaving puddles on stage and the other dancers are slipping.
Sure I can create 'wispy' smoke
Pull off your pants and let me gaffa that
How can solar flares being cutting out off the radio mics
Sure I can get all of those things in the next five minutes and would you like fries as well

[missliz]

It's ok, we have hours until we open.

[BeccaTheSM]

It's ok, we have hours until we open.

Correction... Before we open TONIGHT!!!

[Ozdust]

*Actor shows up to night 3 of a 12 night run, wearing a cast on his arm*
me: "EDWARD ALBERTO RAFAEL M... WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR ARM!!!!"
Ed: "I got into a fight with a table, the table won"
me: *death glare*

[Maggie K]

Is that your prop?  No?  Then put it back.

Where is your (fill in the blank)?

Do you have your (fill in the blank)?

You don't have (fill in the blank)?  NO! Don't move!  I will get it for you.

Do you need a spike mark?

New favorite (in the middle of The Full Monty right now): me to the PSM - FYI, Actor X is having a testicular issue today

[Amandanellb]

*Actor shows up to night 3 of a 12 night run, wearing a cast on his arm*
me: "EDWARD ALBERTO RAFAEL M... WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR ARM!!!!"
Ed: "I got into a fight with a table, the table won"
me: *death glare*

I can totally relate! Only my first words were:
"That's not period..."

[On_Headset]

"It's behind your ear."

"Well, where did you leave it?"

"Quick like a bunny!"

"That's your third grandmother this season."

[stagegal1]

"Ladies and Gentlemen: 'Tis time, 'tis time."

"It's not my place to tell him to trim down there.  That's Hair and Makeup."

[Ozdust]

*Actor shows up to night 3 of a 12 night run, wearing a cast on his arm*
me: "EDWARD ALBERTO RAFAEL M... WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR ARM!!!!"
Ed: "I got into a fight with a table, the table won"
me: *death glare*

I can totally relate! Only my first words were:
"That's not period..."

Unfortunately our show was in the 1990's so I couldn't use that one.

At intermission he came up to me and the first thing he said was how do you know my full name... my response, If you don't want something known, don't put it on Facebook.

[DCPSM2012]

A Day In the Life

"I swear it's in his desk"
5 minutes
"Did you look in the top left drawer?"
5 minutes
"In the far right corner of the top left drawer?"
5 minutes
"Under the staples?"
5 minutes
"Forget it. Stay here, I'll be right back"

"Hit the light... Hit the light... Hit the &#$@%* light!"

"And this is why we can't have nice things"

"Put that down. It's worth more than you are."

"I don't care that the two of you are wearing the same underwear. Get. On. STAGE!"

And Lastly ~In relation to a particular light cue an blind, deaf, and dumb infant could've executed~
"You have my full permission to feed me to the Sarlacc if I ever call that cue incorrectly again. Ever. You understand me? EVER."

[RuthNY]

I had to look this up, but I love the pop culture reference!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarlacc

A Day In the Life

<snip>

And Lastly ~In relation to a particular light cue an blind, deaf, and dumb infant could've executed~
"You have my full permission to feed me to the Sarlacc if I ever call that cue incorrectly again. Ever. You understand me? EVER."

[NJ.JerrySmith]

"Don't lick the props."

Don't lick the actors . . . I HAVE GIVEN THAT NOTE.

A stage manager I was working with once had to give a note that went "Don't SPIT on the other actors please"

[zachrhds]

"And this is why we can't have nice things"

This gets used during rehearsals, at work, at home, everywhere, but mainly in Rehearsals and in the shop

[Mackie]

"Do I need to separate you two?"

"No sorry we don't have spike tape" ~ referring to when outside companies rent our theatre.

"Standby"

"Oh Jesus..."

Actor: Do I have time to poop?
"I don't know DO you have time to poop?" ~ never in a million years did I think I would be asked that question...but then again...actors...

"Eh, It's a budget hotel" ~ During Thoroughly Modern Millie... This line became our go to excuse for everything.

Actor: Is that real water??
"No. It's stage water, it's less wet."

"What the %&#$@ page did he just go to??"

"Actors.."

"I really wish I drank coffee"

Actors: What time is it?
"Time for you to learn your #$%&@ lines!

This one really isn't a stage manager thing but birds tend to find their way into our auditorium and during our black box production of To Kill A Mockingbird we had the entire audience convinced that we had hired a trained bird, it was perfect this bird had some serious skills he only came out during the outdoor scenes, it was perfect.