Author Topic: SM Joke  (Read 7075 times)

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missliz

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SM Joke
« on: Jan 12, 2010, 11:30 am »
Two stage managers, nearing the ends of their careers, were discussing the likelihood of there being some form of theatrical endeavor in the hereafter. The first consulted a friendly medium. Later the following exchange took place between the two stage managers:
"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a wonderful theatre in heaven -- well equipped, spacious, plenty of wing space. In fact, there's a show opening tomorrow night."
"That's wonderful! So what's the bad news?"
"You're calling the show."


My director told me this yesterday. It's one of his favorites. :) The other one I've heard is

Q. How many stage managers does it take to fix a lightbulb?
A. IT'S ON MY LIST!

Anyone else have some good techie jokes?
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

Celeste_SM

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #1 on: Jan 12, 2010, 07:45 pm »
A stage manager, a director and an actor are rehearsing when the actor rubs a prop lantern. It turns out to be a magic lantern, as a genie pops out and offers each of them a single wish.
The actor says, "I want to be on the French Riviera, famous and surround by my fans!"  The genie nods and... POP! He disappears.
The director says, "I want to be on a beach on Tahiti, with a drink in my hand, surrounded by beautiful women." The genie nods and... POP! He disappears.
The stage manager looks at her watch and says, "I want both of them back in ten minutes."

avkid

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #2 on: Jan 12, 2010, 10:57 pm »
There's a similar roadie joke with tour manager instead of stage manager.
Philip LaDue
Shore Production Group LLC
IATSE Local #21 Newark, NJ

SMrose

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #3 on: Jan 13, 2010, 07:15 pm »
I heard that one years ago, Celeste_SM, and it still makes me laugh.  OK" how many union stagehands does it take to screw in a light bulb?...Five...GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT???

missliz

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #4 on: Jan 13, 2010, 10:18 pm »
I heard that one years ago, Celeste_SM, and it still makes me laugh.  OK" how many union stagehands does it take to screw in a light bulb?...Five...GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT???


I've heard a slightly different version:

How many union stagehands does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fifteen with a four-hour minimum. Is that a problem?
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

Celeste_SM

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #5 on: Jan 13, 2010, 10:20 pm »
How many lighting designers does it take to change a light bulb?
It's a LAMP darnit!

loebtmc

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #6 on: Apr 24, 2010, 12:09 pm »
http://www.theatrecrafts.com/humour_thingsyoullneverhear.html

in case you don't already have this on file -

NKClaus

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #7 on: Apr 30, 2010, 09:08 am »
Yet ANOTHER Lightbulb joke:

How many Stage Managers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change?  What change?
Nobody told us there was a change.

kallulah

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2010, 09:23 am »
http://www.theatrecrafts.com/humour_thingsyoullneverhear.html

in case you don't already have this on file -

No thanks, I don't drink  :D LMAO

cajundrama

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2010, 03:03 pm »
2 of my favorites:

How many method actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Zero, you are the light bulb

How many set designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb?

 :)

late_stranger

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #10 on: Jul 11, 2010, 01:14 am »
Producer:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives policy to God.

Director:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with God.

Playwright:
Leaps short buildings with a running start.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God.

Actor:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings.
Is run over by locomotives.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
Dog paddles.
Talks to animals.

Chorus:
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings.
Says "Look at the choo-choo."
Wets himself with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to himself.

Stage Manager:
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the track.
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
IS GOD.


I've seen variations in about six different places; this version came from here.
Don't be so reverent about reality. It's just a trick, done with mirrors.

missliz

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #11 on: Aug 19, 2010, 09:42 am »
An actor walks into a bar....the stage manager yells for someone to glow it.
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

squarewheelbike

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #12 on: Sep 01, 2010, 12:03 pm »
How many ....... to change a light bulb?

Noise boys; 2, 1, 2, 2.

Actors; 10, one to do it and 9 to say, "that should be me up there"!

Stage Tech's; 0, were used to working in the f*****g dark!

nick_tochelli

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Re: SM Joke
« Reply #13 on: Sep 04, 2010, 02:01 am »
My fiance bought me this poster that I have framed among some of my show postcards because it's just so damned outlandishly amusing:

Stage Manager's Prayer
God Grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change
the things that I can
And the Wisdom to
hide the bodies of those actors I had to kill
because they pissed me off.

Here's the link to cafe press where you can get the poster if you so desire:http://www.cafepress.com/+stage_managers_prayer_large_framed_print,86540789

 

riotous