Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!

[avkid]

No wireless microphones are allowed, all company members will know to project adequately.

[loebtmc]

No wireless microphones are allowed, all company members will know to project adequately.

...except when working with electronic musical instruments or recorded music, in which case the sound engineer knows how to balance the show so it isn't so loud as to cause ear bleeds and the voices can always be heard above the amplified sound.

[PSMKay]

Childcare is offered for audience members during performances, for a fee not to exceed the cost of a regular babysitter.
SMs shall be issued a spotlight for shaming audience members with visible cell phone screens.
Lobby concessions shall not be permitted to serve anything with a) plastic wrap b) garlic c) ice d) excessive crunchiness.
By means of a substantial endowment, top-performing local high school students are permitted backstage tours and free tickets. (Staff are, of course, paid for the tours.)
If your name appears in the program you get comps. End of story.
Stage managers and understudies shall be offered the opportunity to attend any and all realism training (e.g., specialized dance & fight training, straight razor shaving for Sweeney Todd, etc.) because they're just super cool.
Puppies & kittens will be available on demand in times of high stress.
Dimmers shall be kept in a reasonably accessible and well-ventilated room that is a) not the booth and b) cleaned more than once per decade.

[On_Headset]

Everything is measured in either metric or imperial. Consistently. Without exception. And with some indication of the measure used. ("Is that three meters or three yards? Three inches or three centimetres?")

[Bwoodbury]

All union breaks must sync up.

This is all I've ever wanted.

[missliz]

No talkbacks.

(Maybe this is just my preference....)

[cserendipity]

All interior spaces will be disinfected and dusted daily so that they remain dust and germ-free.

The scene shop and prop storage room shall remain organized with complete and accurate inventory lists so that you can always find the right tool or prop at the precise moment you need it.  Both are equipped to expand as necessary to accommodate building and storage requirements.   

[NomieRae]

Leaving a half eaten Ricola backstage is a fine-able offense.

There will be a company manager who is adequately available at all times, and all the actors will actually know which items fall on company management and not stage management.

Stage managers have their own single stall bathrooms adjacent to the booth. (I can't tell you how many times I just want to use the bathroom and have no desire to field the 8 million questions from cast/crew along the way)

[loebtmc]

Stage managers have their own single stall bathrooms adjacent to the booth.

Because we can't wait in the public lines or always have time to walk to wherever the dressing rooms are in that theater, and a 3-4 hr show can sometimes be too long to go without a pit stop.

All actors and company managers will have read the contract and know to what they are, and are not, entitled.

[Jessie_K]

In the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company....

THIS


would NEVER happen!

[bex]

The stage and ALL backstage areas (wing space, pit, crossover, trap room, hallway to the dressing rooms, & any other nooks & crannies) have bright, non-fluorescent worklights controlled by easily accessible and clearly labeled switches, so that when working backstage in non-show conditions, there is adequate light to read paperwork, label props tables, sweep the floor, etc.

[PSMKay]

Clip lights are either a) covered with blue gels that are custom cut to match their circumference or b) filled with blue lamps from the get-go.

Battens have hooks with velcro wraps positioned every three feet so that LX has no excuse to leave cables untied.

Here at URSTC we're testing out some new motion capture technology that combines GPS with CAD. It allows e-scripts to automatically plot actor positions in adjustable intervals, either every 5-20 seconds for straight plays or in counts of 8 for choreography.

Every actor has an understudy. Every stage manager has an understudy. Every crew member knows two tracks.

Although our workman's comp insurance premiums are up to date, our last workplace incident in the scene shop was over 6 years ago. Oh, and you can find all of the MSDS for our materials filed neatly in a binder in the tech office.

Next Tuesday we'll be having in a representative from the Red Cross to get everyone re-certified for First Aid, CPR and AED. On the house, natch.

We do not have an internship program, although we will hire PAs on large shows, and pay them. We make a point of hiring willing non-union ASMs each year and buying their equity card over the course of the year once they've passed a probationary training period.

[ScooterSM]

All orchestra stand lights have built in blue gel, and all music is written in clear font large enough to be read in the pit without the maestro or the lighting designer complaining that it is too dark or the pit is glowing like crazy...

[On_Headset]

A three-part solution.

Part One: All door locks in the building are on proximity cards.

No more massive keyrings! (40 keys? Seriously, 40 keys? What am I supposed to do with 40 keys? What do you mean, two more rings?! Isn't 40 keys enough?!)

No more duplicated, lost or stolen keys! ("I'm sorry, I think I lost my key on the bus." "Oh. Okay. I'll deactivate that one: here's a new one.")

No more needing to memorize 200 different ways to open 200 different doors. (This one needs firm pressure on the left side; this one needs you to turn the handle and pull inward as you unlock it; this one needs a hip-pop or else it won't lock; this one likes to be sweet-talked and gently massaged as Kenny G plays in the background...)

No more ancient keys snapping off in locks which haven't been oiled or maintained since the Carter administration!

No more giving master keys (or massive, ungainly key rings) to external clients!

No more keys going home with contract staff! (If they do, you can cancel the key remotely. And if you hire them back on, you can flip the key back on, too.)

No more mystery keys! ("I know it's on this ring for a reason, but I have no clue which door it opens...")


Part Two: All proximity sensors along main thoroughfares are super-convenient. Specifically:
- The sensor is sufficiently sensitive that it can read a card from within your pants pocket. (Your hands are full? Just sway your hip within ~5 inches of the sensor and it'll pick up the card.)
- The sensor is pressure-sensitive, and pressing it with a card in proximity will cause the door to open--and remain open--on its own. (Wheelchair-accessibility! No more putting stuff down to open a door! Hooray!)
- Any user can toggle the sensor in some special way and cause it to enter a "deactivated mode", leaving the door unlocked for some preset period of time.


Part Three: All proximity sensors include manual overrides which can be operated with a physical master key, just in case. The master keys are kept in the PSM or GM's office, and are only distributed in case of actual legitimate emergency.

[BayAreaSM]

Childcare is offered for audience members during performances, for a fee not to exceed the cost of a regular babysitter.

FREE childcare will be available for all members of the company, including Stage Management, during rehearsals and performances, in nearby sound proof rooms to each space.