I've tried to keep mine reasonably gender neutral (except for the condom one). To further confuse the peanut gallery, I submit:
I like my theatre like my partners...
... open to cross-casting
... lit like Christmas mass
... requiring multiple viewings
... avoidant of food props
... not a dry seat in the house
... always able to provide a spare cot
... help I'm trapped in a double entendre factory
... sometimes from up above, sometimes in side view - only the muggles stick with face-to-face
... with a nicely-proportioned loading dock
... with freshly laundered undies
... with a small landing strip, not a glow tape runway
... not a damned shade of grey for miles
... with enough spare time to rehearse the understudies
