Author Topic: Funny definitions  (Read 22924 times)

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Tempest

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Funny definitions
« on: Aug 17, 2010, 12:46 pm »
As stage managers, we have to define a lot of things.  From teaching new actors SL/SR (yes, I've had to do that) to explaining to non-theatre folks exactly what it a stage manager does.  Now it's time for some funny ones we're all going to understand. 

Stage Manager's Brain: A condition brought on by having to focus on more than a dozen details at once, with perfect recall, for long periods of time. Characterized by the brain feeling like the abused and ruffled pages of a large, musty, ancient book. Akin to Ice Cream Brain Freeze, without the fun prelude or brief duration.  Usually caused by massive amounts of paperwork.
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

PSMKay

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #1 on: Aug 17, 2010, 04:25 pm »
Interval Vertigo: The brief head rush from running at top speed down a dark spiral staircase for a bathroom break during intermission.

Equity twinge: The internal alarm clock that goes off after 80 minutes of continuous anything.

Reality panic: Euphoric, manic phase spurred by condensing grocery shopping, laundry, and all other domestic chores into Monday.

SMAdar: The ability of one stage manager to identify another stage manager based on behavior alone, outside of the normal environs.

Phantom clutch: Accidentally grabbing at your stomach for your stopwatch when you're not wearing one.
« Last Edit: Aug 17, 2010, 06:46 pm by PSMKay »

missliz

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #2 on: Aug 18, 2010, 01:01 am »

SMAdar: The ability of one stage manager to identify another stage manager based on behavior alone, outside of the normal environs.


I had an SMAdar moment today- walked past a guy on the street who was in all-black with his flashlight, roll of gaff, and stopwatch!

Theater Weekend- Monday.

"I can't, I have a show"- the knee-jerk reaction to most nighttime invitations.
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

late_stranger

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #3 on: Aug 18, 2010, 01:22 am »
Managing Syndrome: A syndrome afflicting many SMs, causing them to compulsively manage non-theatre friends, colleagues, family, or pets. The worst cases have been seen attempting to manage random people on the streets, other people's children, and wild animals. There is no known cure for Managing Syndrome.

Circadian Recalibration: A side-effect of long term stage managing, causing a complete reset of the circadian rhythm of the SM  so as to put off any hint of sleepiness until midnight or later.

Don't be so reverent about reality. It's just a trick, done with mirrors.

PSMKay

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #4 on: Aug 18, 2010, 02:41 am »
Spike scoliosis: the hunched spinal effect seen in SMs who have recently taped out a set for rehearsal.  (Related to: kit scoliosis) See also...

Spike manicure: the crusty, dry feeling your hands get after being on spike/glow tape duty during tech.  Side effects include...

Technical weeping: sudden burst of tears caused by accidentally rubbing your eyes after giving yourself a spike manicure.

Unrelated:
Black lint bunnies: the lint bunny makes its home in clothes dryers worldwide.  Normally grey, and occasionally blue after a load of jeans, lint bunnies are hardly ever seen in pure black.  This special breed only appears in the dryers of those who work backstage.

Impromptu pinata: an overfull three-hole punch.

Spontaneous vacation: "I think we're going to be doing just music rehearsal all day."

loebtmc

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #5 on: Aug 18, 2010, 02:45 am »
Quote
Reality panic: Euphoric, manic phase spurred by condensing grocery shopping, laundry, and all other domestic chores into Monday.

love this - and too true - all those people who don't get why my Mondays off aren't really, well, OFF

Tempest

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #6 on: Aug 18, 2010, 10:39 am »
Phantom clutch: Accidentally grabbing at your stomach for your stopwatch when you're not wearing one.

:D  I am the QUEEN of the phantom clutch.  Except when I forget to take the blasted thing off, at all.  Leading to...

Time sickness: The compulsive need to answer the question, "What time is it?" no matter the situation and the inability to stop the phrase, "Thank you five!" from falling from your lips whenever anyone says, "Five minutes."

Awkward Accessory Overload: AAO is characerized by the wearing of theatre "accessories" outside of the theatre environs.  This is typically a stop watch, but may also include flashlights, multi tools, crescent wrenches or other tools attached to the belt, sharpies, pens and pencils tucked in the hair, behind the ear or in the top of the shirt, rolls of tape around the wrists or, in extreme cases, headsets with their connectors dangling.

Awkward Acessory Accomplice: A friend or family member who will sit through an entire meal or other social outing with you, and never mention the stopwatch, tools, writing implements, tape or headset making you look strange and OCD to the rest of the world.  (My sister is the WORST AAA I've ever met.)
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

On_Headset

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #7 on: Aug 18, 2010, 03:13 pm »
Quote
Impromptu pinata: an overfull three-hole punch.
;D ;D ;D

Gridwatching: A condition which results in being unable to properly enjoy a performance as you are too busy watching the rigging, even though it's someone else's show. Can ruin the impact of perfectly good effects, particularly in non-pros houses.

Reach-to-Talk: When, out of force of habit, you reach for a non-existent PTT switch before talking. (While talking on the phone, when in a rehearsal hall, etc.)

Kit Cling: That thing you keep in your kit because you needed it once in high school and haven't used since but keep it around just in case.

The Crawl: What inexperienced SMs do for a week straight after they accidentally run a show with headsets broadcasting into the dressing rooms. (Experienced SMs never do this. NEVER.)

Convolution Creep: The gradual stacking-up of idiosyncrasies in your rehearsal or performance space. ("...and the lightswitch only works if you press it from the top left, and the booth doesn't have a floor, so we'll need you to wear a harness and be flown into position, and the alarm only works on alternating Tuesdays, and the coms will suddenly drop out if you end a sentence with a preposition...")
« Last Edit: Aug 18, 2010, 09:30 pm by On_Headset »

PSMKay

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #8 on: Aug 18, 2010, 03:54 pm »
Margin of novelty: The amount of time elapsed between the start of preproduction and the permanent installation of sound cues & score into your brain.  The margin of novelty decreases exponentially in ratio to the length of time spent in rehearsal.

Margin of ennui:  The amount of time elapsed between the close of a production and the first time you hear its songs/sound cues thereafter without wincing.  The margin of ennui increases exponentially in ratio to the length of the run.

(sidenote: great topic, TG! This is fun!)

planetmike

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #9 on: Aug 18, 2010, 04:07 pm »
Thank-you-itis: The inflammation of saying thank you to anyone who says anything to you. At the bank, the teller says "here is a deposit slip." And you respond with "thank you, deposit slip." or on the metro "more rain today." "thank you rain."

maximillionx

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #10 on: Aug 18, 2010, 09:23 pm »
Zombie Audience: A group of individuals attending a performance that seem to be alive (small lazy movements/strange noises) but show no indications of life otherwise.

Zombie Mode: When upon the completion of a performance or performing basic theatre tasks, one suddenly realizes they cannot remember the elapsed time.  Often caused by excessive repetition or exhaustion.

I am definitely guilty of AAO. I was debating enrolling in an Awkward Accessory Overload Anonymous class, but then I had a dream about MacGyver being disappointed in me, so I opted not to.

AdamJ

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #11 on: Aug 18, 2010, 11:22 pm »
Circadian Recalibration: A side-effect of long term stage managing, causing a complete reset of the circadian rhythm of the SM  so as to put off any hint of sleepiness until midnight or later.


Finally it has a name! that makes so much sense...

Stage managers crucifix: Stopwatch.   "Back you demons of distraction! The power of time compells you!"

Lizzie

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #12 on: Aug 19, 2010, 06:09 am »
Femininity Shock : When theatre colleagues (mostly actors) who've only ever seen you in fit-up clothes or blacks suddenly see you in a posh dress and make-up. The phrase, "My god ! You're a girl !" may be heard.

missliz

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #13 on: Aug 19, 2010, 09:31 am »
Supply Euphoria- the excitement you get from stepping into an office supply shop.
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

Tempest

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Re: Funny definitions
« Reply #14 on: Aug 19, 2010, 10:59 am »
I am definitely guilty of AAO. I was debating enrolling in an Awkward Accessory Overload Anonymous class, but then I had a dream about MacGyver being disappointed in me, so I opted not to.

Not only did I laugh and am still laughing, I applauded at my monitor!  Can't disappoint the Mac! 

These are so much fun, I'm thinking of compiling them into a glossary/dictionary style page for my website (with attribution and links, of course), and hiding the link like a DVD Easter-egg.  Would anyone object to having their definition collected there?
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

 

riotous