Best reason from an actor for being late

[ReyYaySM]

An actor in my show who also happens to be a very dear friend called me today hysterically laughing/crying.  Once I calmed him down enough to find out what was going on, he explained that a bird had flown into his open car window after first hitting his driver side mirror.  It bounced off the mirror onto the door level with the seat belt then flew over his head and hit the passenger window which was up.  I then proceeded to talk him through getting the bird out of the car and then calmed him down again so that he could drive.  He's fine and his car is fine, but I unfortunately can't say the same for the bird.  He made it to the theatre by the five minute call.  It is by far the craziest reason that I've ever received for why an actor was going to be late.  I heard/helped him retell the story several times today and I'm still shocked each time I hear it. 

So what is the best excuse you've ever gotten from an actor for why they are late to a rehearsal or performance? 

[ChaCha]

" I just heard that my mother has been abducted by her own political party and no one knows where she is or if she is alive"

[bethanyb5]

I was rehearsing a show in Brooklyn, NY and at one of the first rehearsals one of the actors came up to me and said she wanted to let me know that it would be hard for her to be on time for Saturday rehearsals because she was coming from the Bronx and you know how the trains aren't running on normal schedules on the weekend. So I then proceeded to explain to her that she can look up on the MTA website and see what trains are running on different schedules and that she can plan accordingly and also that its a good idea to leave early anyways because it is better to be early and have time to grab a bit to eat or sit and relax then to rush in late. She was like OH ok I'll do that. As my high school teacher said common sense isn't that common.

[MatthewShiner]

"I am being questioned by the police due a murder next door."

and not for being late, but I did have an actor come to me to quit a show telling me he was on the run from the law.  He was sort of flaky, so I thought he was just trying to get out.

A week later, a sherrif showed up.

[MarcieA]

"You're my one phone call. I got arrested for drunkenly stripping in front of a cop at WaWa last night."

The AD went on for him for the matinee, and the actor came right from the courthouse for the evening performance.

[MatthewShiner]

I have forgotten the "in jail" reasons . . . most of those are late at night.

I also had an actor who was narcoleptic - and would fall asleep in the afternoon before show calls.

[missliz]

Not mine, but a friend had an actor call in late because his girlfriend wasn't supposed to know he was in a show, and he was having a hard time sneaking out to rehearsals.

He was 28.

He was gone soon after that.

[killerdana]

This is actually a reason that I was late (fortunately just to a rehearsal):

I was about to leave my apartment when someone banged on the door (not knocked, banged).  It was the police.  Someone in the building next door had discovered that a recently moved-out roommate had left several sticks of explosives in the freezer.  The bomb squad was evacuating the entire block.  Unfortunately, they were only pushing people down the street and wouldn't allow anyone to take their car out of the garage so I was stuck waiting for an hour for the bomb squad to let me back into my building.  It was fun calling the director to say that I was going to be late to rehearsal because of a bomb.

[amdram]

"Sorry I'm late, someone stole the wheels off my car."
No answer to that really.

[Celeste_SM]

"Sorry I'm so late. I was drinking tea in my car and a cop saw it and thought it was a gun and pulled me over. He took my phone and then spent 30 minutes searching my car for the gun."  I'm pretty sure that dude was a chronic liar. He told a lot of stories.

Before don't ask-don't tell went into effect, I had a guy in the air force who was in a show, and decided during the run to out himself to his commander. I got a call from him "I'm going to be late because they're detaining me for questioning on base. I should still be there in time for the show."  He was there, in the nick of time. We'd already restaged, because I had no idea if he'd be arrested or what.

[ddsherrer]

"Hey Deb.  It's Max.  I'm in a ditch.  Not a deep one, but I'm gonna need a tow.  Know anyone?"

Very calm considering he was in a ditch.  Fortunately, I did know someone and the gentleman who towed him dropped him off at rehearsal.

[SLY]

I've mentioned it in the topics on why we had to hold the show for 20 minutes or so but the call went something like this, "I forgot to wear panties."

Which is a bad thing since she strips down to her panties during the last scene in Bare and she had agreed she'd be responsible for supplying the panties. I directed her to a near by store that carried womens panties. I wondered how she forgot to wear panties in the middle of a freezing winter.

[JDL]

"I forgot we had a show today [matinee]." I get that one all the time actually.

My favorite is when I or my assistants call a late actor...
*ring, ring, ring...
Late actor: Hello?
SM team: Do you plan on coming to the show tonight? 
Late actor: Oh, ****... I'm sorry, I'm on my way. Be there in 10 minutes. What time was call time?...

The call time has been the same for the last 2 weeks.... haha I love my job!

[dee4156]

I had an actor once who had a heart attack hours before a show. While traveling in the ambulance, I was his first call.. before his wife. He had surgery immediately and was onstage in three days.

[babens]

We had an actor in A Christmas Carol at Great Lakes Theater Festival my first year there who actually did forget about a preview matinee and went to visit a friend in the hospital, so his phone was shut off.  And of course it had to be the actor in the Christmas Past/Future track who has to go through a star trap and manipulate a 12' tall rod puppet.  Luckily, by a freak coincidence, the understudy had been around during preset the night before and asked if he could do the trap door test, so at least he had been through it once before we had to send him through it during a performance.