Author Topic: Best one-liner from a performance report  (Read 29418 times)

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NomieRae

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #45 on: Oct 16, 2010, 03:32 pm »
After a night of rowdy college students....

"Then, at the end of the sensitive “I’ll Never Be the Same,” 2 of them got up and exited right past Tina, around the moat and out the house right VOM.  Appropriately named, in this case, since at least one of them threw up in the lobby men’s room.....However, some of these non-inebriated students took part in the distracting behavior.  We had Billy O. sit behind them during Act 2.  His official title is now Officer of the Peace and Bodyguard to the Stars."
--Naomi
"First, I honor life, and with it my life in theatre." -- Jacques Burdick

clurston

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #46 on: Oct 16, 2010, 03:47 pm »
"[name], we could see your face in the spot when you'd finished vibrating the bed in Act 1. Please keep it hidden or you will be wearing a balaclava."

and from a different show

"[actress] got distracted by a very naked sex scene in the background DVD that was used on the DS TV. She covered it well."

On_Headset

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #47 on: Oct 19, 2010, 06:59 am »
"Makeup artist has been informed that painting a white woman's face black then applying thick red lipstick right before she sings 'Sweet Chariot' is a doubleplus ungood idea, and may result in Jesse Jackson."

Student theatre: the character's face was gradually streaked with black makeup to illustrate her fall from grace and descent into madness, but they overdid it--a lot--and we had walkouts over it. :-/

missliz

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #48 on: Oct 29, 2010, 12:30 am »
(background: our show has half a dozen cupcakes that sit in a little display DS. they're sprayed with preservative chemicals to keep them nice looking.)

"[ASM] went to get cupcakes from fridge pre-show and discovered one missing. Questioned cast/crew- everyone knows not to eat them. Oh well, somebody is vomiting right now. Serves them right. I don't think we need a replacement."
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

BeccaTheSM

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #49 on: Oct 30, 2010, 02:32 pm »
'Jesus started falling off his cross before the show. The priest scotch taped him back on, but he needs some attention.'
Art, in itself, is an attempt to bring order out of chaos. - Stephen Sondheim

Jill Woodward

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #50 on: Nov 03, 2010, 11:28 am »
(Background: As a college department, we don't have many "aged" looking women. In an attempt to age a 20 year-old actress into a woman in her late-forties, she wears padding to appear heavier. Working in a college department, we also deal with 18 year-old boys. After some teasing and worry over upset feelings, the following was decided.)

"The plumping suit is now referred to as a "life suit," because it is the result of life."

late_stranger

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #51 on: Nov 04, 2010, 10:25 pm »
(The third and final night of a high school show)

Fianlly had a good audience. [Actress] asked to keep them. Told her kidnapping would drastically reduce her chances of getting into college.
Don't be so reverent about reality. It's just a trick, done with mirrors.

Jill Woodward

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #52 on: Nov 04, 2010, 10:34 pm »
Props:

"May we please have some silverware? Bo was the only one raised in a barn."

dallas10086

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #53 on: Nov 05, 2010, 07:34 am »
Last night's report included, "The saint is missing her kneecaps. Not a huge deal, but we need to keep an eye out for them."

Dee

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #54 on: Nov 05, 2010, 10:48 am »
From a Show report from Evil Dead The Musical
"The Beaver didn't seem as active tonight.  I check and his batteries had not been changed because apperently 'no one wants to touch a bloody beaver' Deck drew straws and the batteries have now been replaced.

Tempest

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #55 on: Nov 28, 2010, 09:55 pm »
We're doing a version of The Santaland Diaries and our actor playing David has a "volunteer" from the audience help him get into his Crumpet costume, each night.  As you never know what you're going to get with audience "volunteers," this section contains a lot of ad lib.  Last night's volunteer was named Roger.  Leading to this note:

Quote
"Roger?  You know 'roger' is a verb in England, right?"  Harold, you're an effin' genius; how on Earth do you think so fast?
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

bex

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #56 on: Dec 09, 2010, 11:57 am »
From a performance of A Christmas Story- the actor in question here is 7 years old.

"Randy" was late for his entrance after the fight- Mother said “Randy, you back there?” and Randy wasn’t back there. Randy was entering the stage from the wings, sweatervest half on & suspenders dangling. He opened the front door, looked out at the audience, said “I’m late,” with an apologetic shrug, and climbed behind the couch.  Other than that, great show! 
You will have to sing for your supper & your mortgage, your dental coverage & your children's shoes, over & over again while people in desk jobs roll their eyes the minute you start to complain. So it's a good thing you like to sing.

Dee

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #57 on: Dec 23, 2010, 11:49 am »
Currently in rehearsals for Devil Boys From Beyond and I have had some fantastic rehearsal report notes.
"Will-Please don't give it all away with the anal probe"
"Lighting-if you have a huge reflective penis, it is best to not point laser beams at it.  Some one could go blind"
"Toby said we need a like a big gay car wash, I assume he is talking about a mylar curtain"
« Last Edit: Dec 24, 2010, 09:52 am by Dee »

KMuzik

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #58 on: Dec 26, 2010, 04:18 am »
(Actress) is drinking "booze" way too quickly. Would be girls gone wild drunk by the end of act 1 the way she's drinking.
-Direct quote from the director


(actress) got a lot of banana all over the first row. practice more reserved smashing.


Does anyone know where the front door went? It looks like a door, about 6 foot tall, shouldn't be able to miss it...


Blanket reminder, When using the bathroom, make sure dress is not tucked into underwear.





I love looking back at old reports and just.. wondering why these things happen..
You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul. - George Bernard Shaw

loebtmc

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #59 on: Dec 26, 2010, 10:00 am »
(OT - KMuzik, I am borrowing your tag line for my new show, thanks! It's wonderful)

back to the regular absurdity....

 

riotous