Best one-liner from a performance report

[ambrosialx]

One, not from a show, but that I got today in rehearsal was my director leaned over to me and seriously said "can you write down there is something missing between the sh**s." it was followed up later on with "The second sh** needs to be heavier, it needs to be a heavy sh**"...no word of a lie!


Edited for language- missliz

[nick_tochelli]

How about this one from my report tonight:
- We held the open of house to give Vice President Joe Biden and his family a tour of the set preshow....I'm pretty sure this was acceptable to all involved.

I think this qualifies as a #RealLifeHumbleBrag on twitter. This was slightly mind boggling, and PS: Secret Service make me feel antsy.

[MatthewShiner]

After six years working in DC, I have quite a few stories about Secret Service . . . .

Always a treat.

(Did they listen in over headset?)

[BARussell]

Whenever my parents come I always put their reaction and since my mother always cries no matter what show, it' always a delight.

"...but they were still able to give a great show. (my mother cried)"

[loebtmc]

We are doing Robber Bridegroom, set is an open barn-like two-story area. This show has a soft open with audience interaction from 5 thru TOS, so sometimes I can overhear a particularly brilliant line and list that in my performance report.

Last night, a cast member walked on stage, looked at the audience and said "who left the barn doors open?"

[ScooterSM]

From a rehearsal report for a production of The Balcony, but still pretty funny... (**slightly adult content, so please avert your eyes if you are uncomfortable**)

-Is the large penis detachable from its pedestal?  If possible, we would like for it to be so that it can be passed around.
-What will the two penises (what is the plural of penis?) be made of?  Will they bounce?  Could the larger one possibly be used as a bat with which to hit the smaller one?

[nick_tochelli]

After six years working in DC, I have quite a few stories about Secret Service . . . .

Always a treat.

(Did they listen in over headset?)

Thankfully no. That would have been particularly awkward since I had lots of technical difficulties last night with my projections and kept sighing heavily into the headset out of frustration. I'm sure at times it sounded like the headset chatter was subject to a crank call.

He actually left before the show, and just his family stayed behind so most of the Secret Service went with him. I think there were only a couple left standing in the back of the house.

[dee4156]

Ms. Miller unfortunately and unknowingly, got her costume snagged on Ms. Brown's personal bra (black fortunately) in the dressing room, and wore it, stuck to the front of her costume for the first half of Act I.

[Tempest]

"We need a portable stripper pole.  Jeff says he knows exactly what we need and will get it. We'll want to put a “North Pole” sign on it.  Perhaps msitletoe."

[Nic Sedivec; SM]

These were from a couple of rehearsal reports in the SM section. Corinna was the set designer.

Woman in Black

67. Corinna brought in a mop and push broom. She is officially a goddess and Nic is very, very appreciative.
77. Somehow (theatre magic most likely) the chair and briefcase need to be struck before page 43.

[SGU312]

From the rehearsal report last night:

Add: 2 bundles (can be quilts) to be used as babies, one smaller then the other. The smaller one should have an arm or body part sticking out- representing that the baby is dead.

[lydiaelaine]

My current show, a new work, Who the F**k is Dan Smith?, has had two rehearsals. First night's rehearsal report:
                                  "Hipsters are not the same thing as stoners. Or valley girls."

I was very amused.
                                 

[missliz]

My current show, a new work, Who the F**k is Dan Smith?, has had two rehearsals. First night's rehearsal report:
                                  "Hipsters are not the same thing as stoners. Or valley girls."

I was very amused.
                               

Is this the Dan Smith that will teach you guitar?

[lydiaelaine]

The same Dan Smith.  In this he's the God of Hipsteria (which is pretty much Williamsburg, BK) and his wanna be 'followers' who are just hipsters. It's super funny.

[jenkoldsm]

Rehearsal note during "Mack & Mabel" : "We'll do the baby down the pants for the hot knockwurst on a roll."