Author Topic: Best one-liner from a performance report  (Read 41082 times)

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MatthewShiner

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #30 on: Jul 16, 2010, 11:37 pm »
A long note . . . but from tonight's report . . .

Quote
Standing Ovation and screams of delight – it was like a Hannah Montana concert audience out there at curtain call (or what I imagine a Hannah Montana audience to be like – I just want it to be known – I have never been to a Hannah Montana concert in my life – I have watched the TV show on occasion, but really only to see what all the hubbub is about.  I did, though, once have lunch at a restaurant across the street from a concert venue right after a Hannah Montana concert – so I think I have a pretty good idea what the audience would be like.  Truth be known, I have never been to a non-classical music concert in my life. Truly.  And there, my friends, is a little insight into my life.)
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dallas10086

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #31 on: Jul 18, 2010, 12:10 pm »
A long note . . . but from tonight's report . . .

Quote
Standing Ovation and screams of delight – it was like a Hannah Montana concert audience out there at curtain call (or what I imagine a Hannah Montana audience to be like – I just want it to be known – I have never been to a Hannah Montana concert in my life – I have watched the TV show on occasion, but really only to see what all the hubbub is about.  I did, though, once have lunch at a restaurant across the street from a concert venue right after a Hannah Montana concert – so I think I have a pretty good idea what the audience would be like.  Truth be known, I have never been to a non-classical music concert in my life. Truly.  And there, my friends, is a little insight into my life.)

That might be a tad excessive...but very humorous!

cue_light

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #32 on: Jul 18, 2010, 12:40 pm »
From the rehearsal report two days ago...

We will be crucifying Jesus at 9am on Saturday.


sgoldsbo

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #33 on: Jul 23, 2010, 11:32 am »
Accident/Injury- [Actress] punched self in the nose during pre-show dressing room ABBA dance party. Suitably embarrassed but otherwise fine.

HAHAHA! Oh man, that's awesome.

SGU312

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #34 on: Jul 26, 2010, 05:39 pm »
Not from a rehearsal/performance report but the set designer for the show I will be working on (Lysistrata) sent me this:

‎"How does one fight with their erection? We must look into that."

It was in an email from the director. They are still in the concept phase.

Tempest

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #35 on: Jul 27, 2010, 12:09 pm »
Not from a rehearsal/performance report but the set designer for the show I will be working on (Lysistrata) sent me this:

‎"How does one fight with their erection? We must look into that."

I missed that this was about Lysistrata the first time I read it and thought it was some deep character concept/theme thing.  I'm not sure which way it's funnier!
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

♥★ Angela ★♥

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #36 on: Jul 27, 2010, 04:09 pm »
This thread has filled me with so much mirth and delight. Thanks, guys!

A director's note to be given to one of his actors...

"Your acting is giving me cancer."

brandiwb

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #37 on: Aug 12, 2010, 02:01 pm »
Rehearsal report for final dress:

Fire alarm went off at theatre.  It's official, this show is HAWT.  8)
« Last Edit: Aug 12, 2010, 02:12 pm by brandiwb »

michaw

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #38 on: Sep 02, 2010, 12:43 pm »
i need the urinating penis. we need to rehearse that!

nick_tochelli

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #39 on: Sep 04, 2010, 01:54 am »
From performance Report of farce....that didn't go so well one night:

"Audience was declared dead at 8:37pm EST. House Management is still trying to contact next of kin."

Also from a performance report:

"The audience was very warm today.... not in the "kind reception" way, but in the "Miami in the middle of July" way.


Risa Comical

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #40 on: Sep 06, 2010, 10:22 pm »
I've heard many hilarious director notes, but one that has always stuck out to me simply said...

(Actor)-> don't

Seemed funny at the time, and will now always be a joke to said actor.
It all started with a single question... " Hey, do you wanna stage manage JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT!?" Best decision in my life so far...

missliz

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #41 on: Sep 09, 2010, 10:39 pm »
From tonight's rehearsal report:

COSTUMES: You're probably already aware, but the lima-bean soup is going to get all over the lesbians.
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

aquadrama

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #42 on: Sep 11, 2010, 08:19 pm »
Two notes from Director to Actors the other night:

"You're getting confused by the angles of the tables and reality. Don't worry there is no reality"

"I call that a$$ acting"

Tempest

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #43 on: Oct 15, 2010, 10:09 pm »
"Jack, nice adjustment on the pee."
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

MarcosPMA

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #44 on: Oct 16, 2010, 03:09 pm »
Rehearsal report - "Can you please not land on my crotch next time?"
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