Author Topic: "I can't do that on stage."  (Read 10444 times)

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Tempest

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"I can't do that on stage."
« on: Sep 14, 2009, 04:18 pm »
It seems to happen every show.  There's one bit of stage business that, if it weren't stage business, no one would think twice about.  But somehow, once it's put on stage, the actor just can't manage to do it, and needs additional technical assistance, or long bouts of practice.

I can't remember all of the ones I've run across so far, but one of the more memorable was an actor (smoker) who couldn't strike a match on stage, to save his life.  In my current show, the mini Kit-Kat bar wrapper has to be pre-slit a specific way, otherwise, it becomes a scene about opening a candy-bar.

What's in your current show (or a favorite past one) that just seems impossible to do on stage?
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

missliz

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #1 on: Sep 14, 2009, 04:25 pm »
I did a show a little while ago where the show pretty much hinged on the daughter walking in on a kiss between her father and her aunt. Except the woman playing the aunt was a HUGE germophobe and refused to kiss the lead actor! (Why this wasn't a consideration when she was auditioning, I'll never know.) They ended up staging it so instead of her kissing him, him pulling away, then him going back in for it, she kissed him on the cheek, he stopped, then pulled his hand up to stroke her face, they both leaned in, and- DOOR FLIES OPEN. End of Act I.

Personally, I think you just hire one of the 675636 other actors who DON'T have a germ problem, because it really diluted the intensity of the scene.
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

crazychicksj

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #2 on: Sep 14, 2009, 06:07 pm »
The most entertaining thing an actor friend of mine couldn't do on stage, even to save his own life, was to answer a cell phone. It should have been the easiest thing in the world, the prop phone was almost identical to his real life cell phone. Flip phone open, put to ear. He just couldn't do it and we never figured out why. In the end we changed to a cell phone that was completely different and for some reason it worked.

nmno

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #3 on: Sep 14, 2009, 10:46 pm »
Drink from a flask, pretending there is liquid in it - the way she's doing it, if there were liquid inside, it would spill all over her front.

Something I find actors can't NOT do:  sit on furniture they'd never sit on in really life.  I can see sitting on the arm of a couch, but would you really if there was a perfectly good seat available?  Would you if the arm was not cushioned?  Would you sit on that coffee table? on that 1' high foot stool? on your dining room table? No, but on a set, anything off the ground and at least 1' x 1' becomes a potential seat.

zayit shachor

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #4 on: Sep 15, 2009, 12:19 am »
We had to cut the top of a banana in a certain way so that our actress could peel it without a fuss.  (That one I kind of get, though, because sometimes bananas can be very difficult indeed!)

Jessie_K

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #5 on: Sep 15, 2009, 04:43 am »
Years ago I did a show where an actress had to make a pot of coffee.  Not too hard, right?

The first day with water and electricity, I walked her through the props.  I showed her the Brita filter filled with water in the fridge (because we didn't have running water in the sink), I showed her the coffee filters, the coffee, the spoons, the mugs and the coffee pot.

During the run through, she prepped the coffee filter and the coffee grounds and poured the water from the Brita into the coffee carafe.  Just like normal.  Then she put the carafe on the burner and turned on the coffee maker.

And nothing happened.  No coffee.  Surprise?

After the rehearsal, I went to her and asked, "Do you need me to show you how to use the coffee maker?"  She responded, "Do I need to pour the water in the TOP of the coffee machine?"  I replied, "Yes."  And then she said, "That's just like the one I have at home."

Sigh.

maximillionx

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #6 on: Sep 15, 2009, 09:46 am »
Drink from a flask, pretending there is liquid in it - the way she's doing it, if there were liquid inside, it would spill all over her front.

For some reason, drinking without actually drinking has always been a huge problem.

Fight choreography has always been tough.  You don't punch someone like this, because it looks like you're punching them in the shoulder. You actually have to aim for their face!  When you shoot off a stage gun, you should actually aim it at the intended target.

ScooterSM

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #7 on: Sep 15, 2009, 10:49 am »
I worked with one actor who struggled every performance with putting on his pants during an onstage change.  Offstage quick changes were also a nightmare.  He came to work completely dressed everyday (and was always the first person changed into his street clothes and out of he dressing room at the end of the night), and he had done hundreds of shows before this one, so I am not sure exactly what the problem was.

Of course this same person gave himself food poisoning twice because two days after he ate the bad fish the first time, he decided it smelled ok and he should eat some more...  (He was a wonderful person and a great actor anyway, so we cut him some slack... :))
“I've never been paid a lot, but the theatre has kept me, and for that I shall be eternally grateful.” Tony Church

GalFriday

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #8 on: Sep 15, 2009, 11:51 pm »
Never ever point a gun directly at someone. Ever. Blanks can kill people....and have.

OK, removing myself from the soapbox.

We have drifted off topic (and it is a great topic).

I am amazed by people that cannot walk on stage. We did a production of Mame. The choreography involved walking across the stage. One of our dancers could not do it. He would always swing his same arm and leg. If you tried to walk that way off stage you could not do it.  :)
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kiwitechgirl

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #9 on: Sep 16, 2009, 08:45 am »
Getting dancers to NOT walk in time with underscoring.  I don't know how many times I've heard a director or choreographer howl "Stop walking in time!" at some unsuspecting dancer who isn't thinking about what they're doing, and so the unconscious just takes over.

CRVerdusco

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #10 on: Oct 14, 2009, 12:17 am »
I have consistently had a problem where people who have to get dressed or undressed for shows on stage can't do it, some how they get stuck in their clothes.

stephaleph

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #11 on: Oct 15, 2009, 09:57 pm »
I had a problem with a new actor recently. We did a dinner theatre and we didn't have a traditional space so our set was very plain. This actor tried to pantomime things that weren't on the set, mostly doors and curtains, windows even. It wasn't so much a problem as it was hilarious.

I repeatedly had to tell him in rehearsal: "There's no door there!" 

iamchristuffin

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #12 on: Jul 03, 2011, 01:54 pm »
Old topic, but I thought I'd share....

A show about four months ago, we had an actor who had to blow out some candles. Pretty simple, right? Apparently not. He blew wax INTO HIS EYE. We still have absolutely no idea how it happened, even after trying to recreate it ourselves (wearing goggles).

So, to prevent this happening again, we gave him a candlesnuff. What did he do this time? Put the handle next to the candles, and burnt himself when he picked it up.

 :o

Chris

stgmngr

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #13 on: Jul 03, 2011, 10:54 pm »
the thing I've most run into that can't seem to happen is actually offstage--closing the door between the green room and the blackbox quietly without slamming it. I've had to go as far as having a 'how to close the door' tutorial.

sievep

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Re: "I can't do that on stage."
« Reply #14 on: Jul 04, 2011, 02:17 am »
Oh, this is one of my favorite stories.

I was working on a major new production of an opera . . . big house, big name singers, who shall remain nameless. 

There were maybe 4 hand props in the entire show.  The leading soprano goes onstage without the dagger which is central to this incredibly long and boring scene that she's in.  Realizing she's forgotten it, we are scrambling backstage to try to get a super who can "ninja" this dagger out to her in some way, when the soprano takes matters into her own hands, changes the blocking, crosses the stage and leans against the downstage side of the SR doorway.  She leans offstage and "whispers" as loudly as she can "DAGGER!", (while making an exaggerating stabbing motion in the air) and goes back to leaning up against the door frame.

Perfect.  So I run the dagger over to her to hand it to her . . .and I'm literally standing RIGHT next to her . . .and she won't take it.  The pocket that this dagger needs to go into is on the onstage side of this HUGE white dress she is wearing.  So . . .the audience saw my hand reach across her and her dress, with the dagger, put the dagger in the pocket, and disappear.  Not awkward at all.

Now, granted, she had walked past all four stage managers and none of us realized she didn't have it until it was too late.

The next performance, she forgot the only other hand prop she had in the show. 
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