New SM, working with a creeper, please help.

[Jayneykorn]

I've been doing crew for my high school since I was a freshman(I'm now a juinor), but this is my first year SMing, and I'm taking it as an independent study, so I'm getting class credit.  My only problem is that we have a pretty small drama department(rural VA, what do you expect?  ) and the one of the main guys that does crew, either sound or on headset backstage but not ASM, really creeps me out. If its not making akward sexual advances towards me, its sitting in the corner backstage or in the booth doing absolutly nothing, making way too much noise during a prodution, or complaining about something stupid. I've told my theater teacher, and he says hes talked to this guy, but I havent seen any changes in his behavior, and I really don't know what else to do. I realize that in theater, or anywhere, you have to work with people you don't like, but I don't think that I should have to deal with all of this. Shows are stressful enough with out having to keep telling this kid what to do.

Have you had any experiences like this?
Can you see a solution that I don't see?
Help?

[LCSM]

If this is more than just a problem with an annoying guy and you begin to feel uncomfortable, then that's absolutely not acceptable. Talk to your theatre teacher again, or any teacher/guidance councellor you trust, about the problem. They should do as much as possible to alleviate the situation, and they'll be on the lookout for any future problems as well.

That said, if the problem is mostly working with an unmotivated (and likely immature) crew member, and the teacher's already talked with him, there isn't much you can do. It really is awful, but these people come along and we have to learn to deal with them as best we can. Do your job as well as possible and everyone will respect you for that. In fact, they'll admire you all the more for doing such a wonderful job in the face of adversity.

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out.

[dallas10086]

Have to step in on this one, just out of my own experiences. If he's making sexual advances towards you and you are shy to defend yourself, he's going to keep doing what he's doing. We all know that sexual jokes and comments are a regular part of the job and nothing to get defensive about. But if he is crossing the line, he isn't going to know unless you tell him. Tell him seriously, sternly and to the point. Then walk away.

[MarcieA]

We all know that sexual jokes and comments are a regular part of the job and nothing to get defensive about.

I'm going to respectfully disagree here. Sexual jokes and advances are NEVER a part of ANY job. Ever. In many instances the theatre work environment is much more casual than a corporate job setting, but that gives absolutely no one license to cross a line. If you feel uncomfortable with the things that this person says or does, then he has crossed a line.

Generalizations like the one above are what makes people think that it is OKto act inappropriately.

If he's making sexual advances towards you and you are shy to defend yourself, he's going to keep doing what he's doing.

But if he is crossing the line, he isn't going to know unless you tell him. Tell him seriously, sternly and to the point. Then walk away.

I do agree with this, to a point. If you don't let this person know that you're either a) not interested in them or b) want them to stop, he isn't going to do so. Is this person an adult or another student? If it's happening in a school setting and it's upsetting you enough to ask for advice from the folks here, maybe it's time to bring it up with an adult at the school. Bring it up again with your theatre teacher, and if they're dismissive of it, go to a counselor.

If you're not comfortable, it is not acceptable. Actually, this type of behavior is not acceptable at all.

[babens]

I don't know if dallas10086 meant for it to sound as if sexual jokes are to be tolerated, but let's face it, we do work in a much more open environment.  Many of the things we say and do would NEVER sit well in a regular corporate environment.  However, I do agree that the second one person feels uncomfortable then they need to express that and the behavior that is causing that discomfort needs to stop, no questions asked.

[dallas10086]

Thank you babens, that is exactly what I mean. Theatre is an 'open environment', yes. Does that mean there are no lines that can be crossed? No. Everyone has a line but not everyone's is the same. The minute someone feels uncomfortable once a line has been crossed, that person should tell the other asap. Any respectable person would take note and change; if not, action should be taken.

Jayneykorn: we all want you to enjoy doing what you're doing. It sucks going to a job you used to love, only to hate it because of one jerk. If we all told our sexual harrasment stories it would be a huge thread. Mine includes a teacher! My line has been crossed countless times, that's one thing in this environment you can add in the 'con' column. In some cases I said nothing, but in more cases I said something; I always felt better after I said something. If anything it gives you more initiative & courage to stand up for yourself. I hope this works out for you.

Edited for language - PSMK