Your frustration is completely understandable, and I know it’s easier said than done, but try to keep the situation in perspective.
The Stage Manager’s job is to give the actors, director, and designers the support they need to be their creative best...even when their best is not as good as we might hope. Support sometimes takes the form of doing nit-picky things the way the director wants them done, even if you think your way is better (as long as their way isn’t dangerous or illegal).
If the director is correct that your ASM is having trouble giving lines and taking notes at the same time, it is your job to address that situation, regardless of how you feel about the director’s general attitude. Others here have given you some great suggestions for dealing with line notes/on-book issue. But in the spirit of choosing your battles, consider just giving the director’s idea a try. I think it’s Tom Kelly’s SM book that says “not all things are of equal importance.” Well, if an issue is clearly important to your director, than it needs to be a priority for you, too. If the director sees you taking her advice on this, it could build some good will, and make it easier to reach a compromise in your favor on another issue. But if you never try her method, and she still perceives a problem, that will almost certainly cause more bad feelings.
and most of the cast hates me because of HER scheduling fiascoes…..
I'm trying to make sure……that the cast knows I can handle things……
I’m sure it sometimes feels like they hate you, but they probably don’t. Besides, you can’t control how they feel about you; all you can really control is how you behave, and how you feel about yourself (knowing you can and will run tech in an organized fashion). Try to stay positive, treat everyone with respect, and keep the lines of communication open. And have lot of chocolate on hand during tech week.