Based on what you had said, Matthew, I was totally prepared with my minor list of cues and met the "House SM" Greg and was interested in learning how we would transition between pieces. Oh my lord - this was the most AWFUL running of a show I have ever been a part of. And yet another reason I hate it when the House IA Steward is called the House SM.
We arrived at the theater, Greg was sweating out a lot of alcohol, which seemed odd at 10am. The schedule had said that the symphony set up would start at 9am, and I assumed the chairs farthest downstage would be in place, or marked, so that we would know how much room we really had. Oh no, not at all. They didn't start setting up the chairs until after 11am when we were rehearsing the R&J balcony scene (perfect timing...). And our "maybe 5' of room downstage of the symphony" turned into 3 panels of marley, because that's what the ballet dancers needed. That was nice, to have more space...
I had been promised 6 specials along the front of the stage, as it was requested by our contact at IMG Artists to use the aisles, front of the stage, etc - due to limited onstage space (which works for the balcony scene when you have no set - at least you have a built-in level change). Nothing was focused (this show was part of a festival that had been going since July 15), so my one electrician (who had never worked in the space before) had to find the lights and refocus to get things where we had been told to perform. Of course, there was no way to light the aisles, so there was a bit of restaging in the space, which was expected.
By the time our lights were refocused and the electrician and I set my requested looks, we ran our 17 minutes of scenes and then it was 11:55am, and we were due to move onto the next venue at 12pm. There was no tech of how trade offs will go or anything. And Greg, the House SM, who said he'd be with me during the process was setting up the symphony; I found him as we were leaving and I said, "I guess we'll go over the transitions at 3:30pm?" He had no idea the show was at 4pm that day. There was also a dress rehearsal scheduled for 1pm that day, but no one had told us until 9pm the night before, and we were slated to "tech" at our winery from 1pm-3pm, so we just let it go.
When we returned to the theater, Greg and the other IA were still frantically setting up the symphony, and the ballet dancers were onstage, rehearsing. We hit half hour and nothing was called over the PA - so I went to my group of actors and gave them all of their calls personally (since we were only given 1 dressing room for my 4 men, 1 woman) - and there was no page mic to be found. After I'd make each call, I'd go up to still find Greg out on stage replacing bulbs in music stand lights, and seeing that the house still wasn't open. At 3 minutes to curtain, the house was opened. I warned my actors that we were probably going to be 10 minutes late - because how long can it take to seat 600 people in a 1200 seat theater? Turns out it can take 25 minutes.
10 minutes after opening the house, I discovered that Greg wouldn't be calling anything, but Charles, our IMG Artist Manager would be calling the show. There had been no time to check the wireless beltpack for me (since I would need to send my actors from the back of the house/Through the lobby), so thankfully I had purchased headsets for my walkie talkies and we used those instead. I gave one to Greg, and had Greg relay through the Comm to Charles, who then called to the Light Op. I had stressed to Greg that it was important for Charles to call LX 199, then LX 200 for my scene, then I would run backstage, take Charles' headset and call the rest of my scene. I asked how it would transition from after my scene, and I had been told that the ballet scene was next - and that the music starts in a blackout, so it should be fine (as my final cue was a blackout).
I ran out front with my actors, radio'd to Greg that we were in place - and we waited and waited and waited for our B/O prep cue. Finally it went, I did the daisy chain relay for my cue 200 and sent my actors. By the time I got backstage, after being stopped by House Mgmt who I never got to meet, my next cue was late. I rushed up to Charles and said "Electrics 210 GO!" he seemed startled, and repeated what I said, then handed over the headset. Turns out, Charles is not a SM, and has never been one. Delightful! He just happens to me the manager for the Russian National Orchestra, the ballet dancers, and the opera singer in the bill. He admitted that he "knows nothing about theater."
I called the rest of my scene, handed off my headset and went downstairs to our dressing room. Turns out, no one called any cues for the ballet scene, and for at least 20 seconds, the Romeo was dancing in the dark.
Our second scene was the top of Act 2 - I assumed Charles would do the top of the act calls, but he was no where to be found. I put on the headset and Greg said he would tell me when we had the house. Oh - there were no calls during intermission either. I found Charles at the end Act 1 and he told me it would be a 20. At 13 minutes in, I went up and asked if anyone was keeping track of intermission - and he says "It's been about 10 minutes, right?" I corrected him and continued to make calls to my actors. When we hit 18, I called places and got on headset. 20 minutes, still nothing. 23 minutes, still nothing. 25 minutes and we now have the house. I hear from the Light Op that there are tons of people still standing. I call House to Half to see if that will get them settled, and he says "there's a huge clog in the House Left aisle" - um, ok? That's an usher's problem in my mind, and we were given the house, so I wait a little bit longer in House 1/2, then call it out. Then I call my cues for my scene, and we finish with Bows, in which I was leaving our bow light up so that Charles would take over and call the next cue - which I had told people beforehand. But Charles doesn't call any cues. And he doesn't come to headset, and we're all sitting there, in silence - so I say "Um, bring up the Symphony light?" And the lights change, and still no Charles, and the symphony is in the wings (and they only speak Russian and they're not moving). I don't speak Russian, and they are not paying attention to me. Finally some random older man in a hawaiian shirt starts shooing them onstage and hissing in Russian. At this point, I signed off and went downstairs to pack - as our "dinner break/travel to next venue" was due to start in 10 minutes.
I was expecting so much more - but got so much less. It was ridiculous, everything I had been told by the "TD" of the theater - and I put that in quotes because he's an outside contractor and was not even present the day of our tech/show - was completely wrong. "I have a 4-pin headset, will that work in your house?" - "Of course." I get there's - it's a 3-pin. "You have tons of light focused in front of the pit and we can light the aisles without bringing up the house lights." - Um, no and no. "Here's the house light plot, and here are the theater dimensions." "Um, you know the dimensions don't match the scale on the plot, right?" "Yes, it loses scale when I turn it into a PDF - just use the dimensions sheet." Right, because the plaster to pit edge helps me so much when you say "You maybe have 5' of space to work in." "What is the drop from the pit edge to the House floor?" "Um, 3'4" to 4'?"
The building had to have been built with drawings, and somewhere specs on the theater must really exist. Sorry for the vent, but I guess it would've been prudent to ask "Are the people calling the show real SMs?" but I didn't think I needed to. Granted, when you're going to see a Symphony-only performance, it's basically lights up, lights down - but still.
And there's my vent. I now know the evil that it is, and I am prepared for the next time. Every time I do one of these crazy things where the one of the House IA staff claims to be the Stage Manager, I've learned that they have no idea how to do the basics. Hopefully I'll meet one some day that does. But so far, we're 0 for 2.
