She was telling me how they were putting in very long hours during the end of the rehearsal & tech period and felt that they were at a point where claiming overtime would be appropriate.
To me, this is the key to your question. When THEY felt it would be appropriate. In my experience if I feel I have finally been pushed past the point of acceptable unpaid overtime, then it is almost certainly now appropriate to start claiming it. It usually means that the production has arrived at the point where better planning, better resourcing, or better staffing would have eliminated the need for the extra overtime. So if I do it for free, then I am
1. making it harder for those who come after me (or those who work along the hall as in your example) to claim it
2. encouraging/rewarding the employer's poor planning/evil strategy
3. making it harder for myself to stay in the industry without burning out.
4. being an 'invisible' martyr ...and usually turning into one of those grumpy people that are so detrimental to the creative process
I think stage managers are all brainwashed/genetically dispositioned to give that bit more everytime, so if WE feel its time to draw the line, it almost certainly IS time to draw the line.
I once went into a contract with a company reknown for their exploitation of stage managers, with a clear understanding that I did NO overtime that wasn't paid for (I had given blood for this company in the past so I didnt feel at all bad about this...just doubtful whether I could make the agreement work) In the second week of rehearsals it became obvious that I couldnt get through the week without running out of hours, so I agreed with the production manager that I would miss Thursday morning's rehearsal. She and the ASM were to cover for me. Well, Thursday came and I showed up after lunch only to hear that the Director had hit the roof, and that in future I would be paid overtime and be at every rehearsal! I was very happy with outcome, but even happier with myself for standing up for what was, in this instance, right.
Of course there are always times when for many different reasons I just get on with it and do the 90 hours for the price of 40.
ChaCha