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« on: Oct 20, 2014, 12:46 pm »
One and a half seasons ago, I came the closest I've ever been to quitting - possibly altogether. It was really, really, bad. Our newly hired interim AD had, as I had deduced later, previously only worked at the high school level, and in rehearsals it was clear she had never had to work with a SM; my lightbulb moment was when she asked me, "What's a scene breakdown?" (cue internal screaming). After pulling off a difficult rehearsal process and an even more difficult tech, the show opened to a review that said the show "was the most fully-imagined musical produced locally in 25 years." I felt proud - for about two days, after which I was called in for a post-mortem with her and was told I lacked leadership and communication, that I wasn't a team player, and that my position in the company was in jeopardy. Even though I knew she had no idea what she was talking about and my PM told me the exact opposite was true, I still took it personally.
I stuck it out for the season, feeling myself getting jaded in the process (red flag), until the company hired the permanent AD and the interim was released from the position - but not before she was slated to direct one last massive musical, and not before she told the new AD how terrible I was at my job (she also included the entire production dept in this complaint so I was in good company). The AD let me know what the gist of their discussion was and said he was going to step back during rehearsals and tech and just watch everyone, myself and the interim AD/director included. I needed to hear that, because it meant he would see who was really doing their job, including myself if I needed correction or 'lacked leadership and communication.'
Let's just say a few days into tech in which the new AD was in attendance every night, he pulled me aside and said, "If she had spoken to me the way she keeps speaking to you, my foot would have been up her a**." My only response was, "the last tech was worse." Our AD quickly came to realize the interim had no clue what she was doing, brought morale to an all-time low, and didn't do much to benefit the company.
I feel I'm finally back to 100%, but it's amazing to me how one year's worth of productions in that environment - that went from supportive to toxic and threatening - affected my outlook at myself and my job.
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