Author Topic: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say  (Read 38347 times)

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ChaCha

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #30 on: Feb 26, 2007, 10:27 am »
"I don't like office supplies, I think they're pretty useless and a waste of money."

this made my laugh tonight! Thinking of the thread almost entirely about sharpies....
ChaCha

gNat

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #31 on: Feb 26, 2007, 01:52 pm »
Sure you can sit your milkshake on the light board!  Naw, don't worry about a lid, I'm sure it will be fine.
You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
- The Princess Bride

Tempest

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #32 on: Feb 28, 2007, 12:35 pm »
Sure, we can stop to polish and deepen the acting in our Q2Q tech.  It's not like this is the only day we have to perfect all the cues and calls.
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

Daz

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #33 on: Mar 04, 2007, 06:51 pm »
Don't worry about your call time, come whenever you wake up.
Of course it's ok if half the cast can't show up for dress rehearsal.
Nah, I don't need a headset.  I'll communicate telepathically to my crew.
*Aude Sapere*
*Nosce te Ipsum*

If I could read your mind, I wouldn't need the headset

dallas10086

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #34 on: Mar 05, 2007, 07:30 am »
My current production:

"We're casting two directors as the lead actors for the next production? There is no way that will come back to bite us in the butt."

Or...

"No no, I LOVE managing THREE directors."

OR....

"No that's fine. You three debate what color the woman's dress should be. I'll just sit here and write down everything everyone says instead of, say, catching up on my sleep."

Getting the picture everyone???

kjdiehl

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #35 on: Mar 08, 2007, 03:35 pm »
Nah, I don't need a headset.  I'll communicate telepathically to my crew.

AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!  That's the BEST!!!  How many times do i get asked if I want a headset!??! Drives me bonkers.

Another good one would be:
"No, dearest Run Crew, don't worry about sweeping and mopping every day, I'm sure the deck is clean enough. If I feel it needs to be done I'll gladly do it myself, after all it clearly is my responsibility. Oh what's that? Today is our first day onstage and the carpenters felt they didn't need to sweep either? I'm sure that's fine, after all, how much sawdust and loose screws and staples could there be?"

Or:
"Dressing cables and providing adequate backstage Run Lights? I'm sure that's unnecessary. And clearly not the Master Electrician's responsibility. And clearly not the Head Carpenter's job to doublecheck. If it needs to be done, I'm sure it must be my job. But that's probably me just being too anal and demanding again. Gosh, what a jerk am I."

And my favorite:
"You're right, I am a dick for not understanding that the crew needs to be getting high on the bus at least three hours before the show, and so what if the show's not finished being preset and there are no run lights and nothing is swept?! *I* must be just a giant raging monster of a jerk."
-Kris Diehl, AEA SM

"Somewhere in the city there's a stage manager waiting,
standing in the shadows with a clipboard in hand..."

birdie4113

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #36 on: Mar 08, 2007, 05:01 pm »
"Sure I will get you another copy of the script that you lost, and don't worry about about the blocking, I will put it in the new script for you." 
Bridget

Tiggz603

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #37 on: Mar 12, 2007, 07:34 pm »
"No thanks, I've had enough coffee today."

"Sure, you can smoke in your costume, as long as you do it outside."

"Naw, I don't need a cigarette break right now, I can take one during Act II."

"Who's responsibility was that?"

"Don't worry about signing in, I know you are here."

"Let's stop by the bar on the way to rehearsal."

I have given leeway to my more experienced actors, and have actually said this one, but I wouldn't recommend it:

"As long as I don't know you are late, you aren't really late."

KC_SM_0807

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #38 on: Mar 14, 2007, 11:26 pm »
I have to say this is the best thread I've read all night.

Thanks everyone.  After a realllllly longggg final dress rehearsal, this is just what I needed.

Here's my contribution.

"Oh.. I'm sorry.  I didn't realize that was my responsibility."

"Spike tape?  What's that?"

"Masking?  Don't worry about masking.  We can just let the audience see everything.. they won't care."

"No thanks,  I don't feel like doing call times tonight.  Hopefully the actors will just show up in the right place at the right time."
"Perhaps, therefore, Stage Managers not only need to be calm and meticulous professionals who know their craft, but masochists who feel pride in rising above impossible odds."

Killer

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #39 on: Mar 22, 2007, 12:47 am »
No, my ASM doesn't need a script ... he can just read over my shoulder.

musicalssm

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #40 on: Mar 23, 2007, 03:40 pm »
"No, I don't need a my own script.  Of course, I don't mind sharing yours during rehearsal."

---Yes, I had an opera director really expect this.  I never did get a proper copy:  He gave the one purchased for me to a designer who'd spilled soda on hers.

geoffsm

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #41 on: Apr 10, 2007, 04:34 pm »
"No need for you to call 'LINE'...just stand there staring blankly at me until I finally realize what you want."

BalletPSM

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #42 on: Apr 10, 2007, 09:12 pm »
Quote
"Dressing cables and providing adequate backstage Run Lights? I'm sure that's unnecessary. And clearly not the Master Electrician's responsibility. And clearly not the Head Carpenter's job to doublecheck. If it needs to be done, I'm sure it must be my job. But that's probably me just being too anal and demanding again. Gosh, what a jerk am I."

Ha. ha. ha. ha. ha. ha. I am laughing so hard at this I have no breath left in me.  If I had a nickel....
Stage managing is getting to do everything your mom told you not to do - read in the dark, sit too close to the TV, and play with the light switches!

wtcsrstaph4life

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #43 on: Jun 06, 2007, 01:17 am »
"What the rehearsal start at 6... I thought my call time was 7"

"I love all my actors"


poprocks and coke

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Re: Things You'll Never Hear a Stage Manager Say
« Reply #44 on: Mar 03, 2008, 12:58 am »
"I'll just take a nap, I'm sure they know the cues."

"Screw the prompt book."

"I wonder if these flats will burn well?"

"Stage management is easy."

"Ahh man, I spilled."

"If gaff tape is that expensive, why bother."
If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you a monkey. Haven't you always wanted a monkey.