Author Topic: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!  (Read 36158 times)

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PSMKay

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I'm starting an imaginary theatre company. We will do everything the right way. We will have rules in place to prevent everything that has ever annoyed a stage manager.

I know that....
1. All actors must have finished at least high school and be old enough to vote in order to be cast in a show at the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company.
2. All actors must have already slept with each other and gotten over it.
3. We will have a panel of doctors on staff so that nobody ever has to miss rehearsal for a doctor appointment.
4. We will do shows year round. Every production will have at least 2 stage managers.
5. The rehearsal room will be exactly the same size as the stage.

But there must be something that I'm forgetting. Help me write the rulebook?

ewharton

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2012, 10:35 pm »
6. When we request props, we will get the exact item immediately without any rehearsal standins that are "similar."

missliz

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2012, 10:40 pm »
All children and animals will be properly trained and behave perfectly on and offstage.
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

Jessie_K

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2012, 10:50 pm »
The director always takes breaks on time and ends rehearsals on time.  Without being prompted AND with a smile on his/her face.

PSMKay

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2012, 11:40 pm »
Q2 Go at 8pm every night because the house KNOWS we always start on time.

BayAreaSM

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2012, 01:18 am »
Child and animal wranglers will be aplenty, on time, courteous and very attentive to the backstage monitor to get all children and animals to the stage ontime for all entrances.

On_Headset

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2012, 04:39 am »
The convenient waiting area is large, attractive, and on the opposite side of the building from the rehearsal halls, where guests are not permitted under any circumstances.

All areas of the building have security cameras, not as a safety feature, but as a means of evading perpetual arguments who who left whose prop where (I SWEAR I DIDN'T TOUCH IT / I SAW YOU TOUCHING IT / I NEVER TOUCHED IT) and OMIGOD SOMEONE STOLE MY CELLPHONE (oh wait wait false alarm it was in my pocket the whole time never mind).

All actors and production staff are on contract. All contracts are less than two pages long and written in plain language, using standard-size fonts. The usual bonuses (5% for flirting with the director, 15% for flirting with the producer, 200% for being the niece of a large donor...) are not included.

The building's heat, cooling, plumbing and electrical systems work perfectly and as designed, requiring only standard repairs.

Jessie_K

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2012, 05:02 am »


The building's heat, cooling, plumbing and electrical systems work perfectly and as designed, requiring only standard repairs.

I assume there's also separate control for the stage, auditorium and dressing rooms?

yomanda

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2012, 08:14 am »
All rehearsal and performance spaces are equipped with a 24 hour Starbucks.

RuthNY

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2012, 09:55 am »
There is a treadmill in the calling booth, complete with book holder, cue light system, monitors, and headset connections, all mounted conveniently, so that the calling SM can walk slowly, and not sit, throughout the entire performance.
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DeeCap

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2012, 10:57 am »

5. The rehearsal room will be exactly the same size as the stage.

But there must be something that I'm forgetting. Help me write the rulebook?

I had that. It was glorious.

Working wireless headsets for backstage

Stage Management copier will have a scanner, three hole punch, and will never, ever, brake.

ScooterSM

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2012, 11:00 am »
All rehearsals will take place on the actual set (which can be moved into the rehearsal room by someone other than stage management).  This way when there are stairs, multiple levels, or doors the director can't say "we will figure that out when we get to the theatre."
“I've never been paid a lot, but the theatre has kept me, and for that I shall be eternally grateful.” Tony Church

megf

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2012, 12:22 pm »
All writing implements will be self-sharpening (and/or self-replenishing, as necessary).

The coffee setup will always be fully stocked with real and fake sweeteners, multiple types of cream/milk/soy, and it be immaculately clean. Mugs used by the company will magically wash themselves and return to their assigned hook or shelf, and paper cups will vanish, after 30 seconds of sitting anywhere unattended.


Tempest

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2012, 01:19 pm »
Actors will never be late. In the event that this rule is broken, sub-clause b) becomes active.
Sub-clause b) states that any tardy actor will call at least half an hour before his or her call, leaving stage management time to make adjustments to the rehearsal schedule, said actor will be VERY apologetic and not at all arrogant and entitled, both on the phone and when they arrive, and will arrive with the director and stage managers favorite caffeinated beverages in hand and apology candy for the rest of the cast and crew.
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

bex

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Re: Introducing the Unicorn Rainbow Sparkly Theatre Company!
« Reply #14 on: May 22, 2012, 01:32 pm »
The rehearsal room floor will be made of a material that takes well to spike tape, withstands abuse by tap shoes, and most importantly, is laid down in 1 foot by 1 foot squares.

You will have to sing for your supper & your mortgage, your dental coverage & your children's shoes, over & over again while people in desk jobs roll their eyes the minute you start to complain. So it's a good thing you like to sing.

 

riotous