If he booked us an understudy who's working elsewhere during the show, our incompetent #$%$# of a production manager can put on a wig and play the part himself. Inform wardrobe that we'll need the high heels changed to a slightly larger size. For the sake of efficiency, we'll use a corset rather than re-sewing the costumes, and I'll personally lace him into it before every performance. Please inform Grand and Toy that the bulk shipment of stress balls will no longer be required.
And tell the musical director not to worry: I'll make sure he can hit the high notes.
NEW NOTE:
Peter Kilman-Strauss ("Bottom") is demanding that his 12-year-old daughter, Maribel Stacey Hunter Amber Bambi Maryland Reagan Olivier Kilman-Strauss-Wagner-Gruber, be cast as a sprite or he'll walk.
MSHABMROKSWG is allergic to nylon, cotton, sawdust, feathers, body paint, lycra, burlap, sunlight and the colour green.
What do we do?