Author Topic: Best one-liner from a performance report  (Read 28960 times)

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Tempest

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Best one-liner from a performance report
« on: Oct 31, 2009, 12:36 am »
No matter how professinal you try to keep things, we work in a field where the strange becomes commonplace, and sentences from our official paperwork, taken out of context, can just be downright wierd.  What's your favorite?

From tonight's report on a Halloween themed cabaret:  "House size: 37 + Lord Voldemort"
Jessica: "Of course I have a metric size 4 dinglehopper in my kit!  Who do you think I am?"

klcurrie

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #1 on: Nov 01, 2009, 04:11 pm »
recently tweeted by a lighting designer friend of mine: from a perf. rep. "We lost Jesus! He was hanging out on the crucifix, and sometime during tonight's show, he escaped. We'll keep looking"

B3m4s

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #2 on: Nov 02, 2009, 12:52 am »
A little off topic but on one design meeting report that I saw earlier this year the SM just put "Fix everything with lights and sound" as a note.
« Last Edit: Nov 02, 2009, 12:57 am by b3m4s »

missliz

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #3 on: Nov 02, 2009, 10:40 am »
"[Actress] accidentally ran into a wall while trying to enter SL door. She's fine, but would rather enter through the door next time."
I personally would like to bring a tortoise onto the stage, turn it into a racehorse, then into a hat, a song, a dragon and a fountain of water. One can dare anything in the theatre and it is the place where one dares the least. -Ionesco

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ScooterSM

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #4 on: Nov 02, 2009, 01:45 pm »
One of my favorites...

"The hookers need more money and crack pipes..."

It was just one of those shows!
“I've never been paid a lot, but the theatre has kept me, and for that I shall be eternally grateful.” Tony Church

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Libby

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #5 on: Nov 02, 2009, 03:10 pm »
2.   [actress] should be a miscellaneous bird who then become the Lovebird when appropriate. This is also true for [actor] who will play a bird until he comes on as President Bush.



4. [Actor] is now consuming 5 cans of beer and will smoke 3 joints. The sandwich baggie should hold enough powder to make 4 lines of coke.

centaura

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #6 on: Nov 03, 2009, 11:51 am »
Well, it wasn't in a performance report - but there was one time when I had to instruct a local in what he'd be doing for the show, and the line was "You're helping the pink poodle with the big hat".  He looked at me weird, and then asked me if I was speaking in code.

-Centaura

LCSM

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #7 on: Nov 03, 2009, 11:48 pm »
I just ran across a note in my script:

"WTF is life?"

I assume I wrote it at some point, but really don't know why.

stagegal1

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #8 on: Nov 04, 2009, 12:18 pm »
From one of my recent performance reports:
"Audience member refused to take urine cup.  [Actor] put it on her seat anyway"

BlantonRK

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #9 on: Nov 04, 2009, 05:20 pm »
"Audio department needs more condoms"

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themikejones

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #10 on: Nov 04, 2009, 06:57 pm »
"Towards the end of the 5.2 an audience member walked onto the stage, crossed to the table and touched the food props.  He then asked Petruchio “Yo, yo! Can I get a biscuit?”"

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kiwitechgirl

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #11 on: Nov 17, 2009, 07:24 am »
"Please can we have a new fake breast for Georgia - one of hers burst."  Said actress is playing a showgirl laced rather tightly into a corset and I suspect someone laced her in a bit too tight....

philimbesi

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #12 on: Nov 17, 2009, 01:54 pm »
"Toilet Flushed Green Day"  Sound Op forgot to check the track name before playing it.  It was the opening sequence music instead of a toilet flush.

geoffsm

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #13 on: Nov 18, 2009, 10:49 pm »
"The weenies need to be warmed preshow.  The actors cannot stomach them cold."

A little off topic, but one time I found a post-it to myself that said "this is a problem."  ...trouble is, I still don't know what it was stuck to, so I don't know what the problem was.  It was 2 shows ago, though, so I think I'm safe.


chrrl

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Re: Best one-liner from a performance report
« Reply #14 on: Nov 19, 2009, 05:25 pm »
From a rehearsal report -
"Thanks for Kerry's butt - it was good for her to work with it."

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