Author Topic: Achieving a Professional Understanding  (Read 6321 times)

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SM_Maddie

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Achieving a Professional Understanding
« on: May 04, 2011, 10:22 pm »
"One of the hardest things about being a student SM is getting your friends to understand that during rehearsal, you’re not their friend. You’re their stage manager, and need respect. If they really are your friend, they’ll understand that they won’t be treated differently than the rest of the cast."

I read this on a blog a few days ago and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since. As a student SM, I can be stern and even strict when I need to be (we are dealing with teenagers here, after all). Though I do try to maintain humor and a positive attitude throughout the production process. However, I am still a peer among fellow students, and often times it's hard to speak sternly to close friends. Often times I have been tempted to cut slack to friends who are late to rehearsal, but I fight the urge.

There is still the problem of fellow peers not giving me the respect that one would usually grant a member of the production team in a professional situation. I may be a student, but I want to do my job well and to the best of my ability, and that means taking on a certain element of leadership. Have any of you ever dealt with actors or members of the cast or crew not treating you with respect or even listening to you because they know you personally? Or people thinking that certain rules don't apply to them because the're your friend? How do you deal with it? Is there a formula for success? Any help would be greatly appreciated.  :)

BLee

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2011, 03:42 am »
I learned the magic of the stage manager voice. When your voice has a certain level of authority people tend to listen and respect that at a more professional level. That voice should be firm, loud and in a slightly deeper register than your normal voice. It won't fix everything,  but when you are trying to maintain control in a large group, having the ability to command an entire room with one powerful sentence will save you many headaches.

As for friends taking advantage of your position, the easiest way to solve that problem is to avoid letting them think it in the first place. My friends know me as a rule follower and when I worked among peers who were my close friends it was a matter of calling them out on it. I had friends who thought I wouldn't mark them down for being late. When they showed up late I gave them bathroom duty just like I did for everyone else. Just explain you have to follow the same rules for everyone. If they get mad they will either quickly get over it and understand your position (thus not putting you in an unfair position again) or you lose a friend who was more worried about the perks of the friendship than the friendship itself.
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MatthewShiner

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2011, 07:24 am »
This will be an issue your entire career.  You will continue to work with friends, or actors you are friendly with through out your career.  Basically, my answer is, treat everyone the same - it's pretty amazing how quickly everyone sort of gets the message.

Now, here's there thing . . .  it's a confusing message to go out drinking with your group of friends, partying and such, and then the next day show up and expect them to treat you like the boss - sometimes when working with friends, you might need to put the friendship on hold for a bit.  I found, early in my career, until I felt comfortable with my "management" style, I didn't do a heck of a lot of socializing with my cast.  I personally found it very hard to be out at the bar with the cast, blowing off steam, drinking, socializing, etc - and then being the heavy the next day (now, granted, I have little issue with that now.) It would be lovely to have it both ways, able to have the great friendships, and then, turn on a dime, a great manager/employee relationship - but to be honest, sometimes those two relationships do not overlap - you just sort of need to make a decision of what is more important.
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Anything posted here as in my own personal opinion, and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of my employer - whomever they be at a given moment in time.

Thespi620

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2011, 11:14 am »
I think we've discussed this before, in a student SM Challenge:
http://smnetwork.org/forum/index.php/topic,4023.msg24475.html#msg24475

But, it merits revisiting. It's all a matter, I think, of ensuring that your friends understand the difference between social you and professional you, and know that professional you deserves the same respect from those close friends as she does from the rest of the cast. I've found that having those conversations with people who start to take advantage of the fact that we're close friends actually helps our mutual respect, as oftentimes they just need to hear me say that I'm not going to treat them differently in the room, but of course that doesn't mean we're not still close. It's a tricky line to walk--and, of course, you have to follow through on the equality of treatment.
[The SM is] a very gifted, slightly eccentric master mechanic [keeping] a cantankerous, highly complex machine running at top efficiency by talking to it, soothing it, & lovingly fixing whatever is broken. 
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SM_Maddie

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2011, 04:24 pm »
Now, here's there thing . . .  it's a confusing message to go out drinking with your group of friends, partying and such, and then the next day show up and expect them to treat you like the boss - sometimes when working with friends, you might need to put the friendship on hold for a bit.  I found, early in my career, until I felt comfortable with my "management" style, I didn't do a heck of a lot of socializing with my cast.  I personally found it very hard to be out at the bar with the cast, blowing off steam, drinking, socializing, etc - and then being the heavy the next day (now, granted, I have little issue with that now.) It would be lovely to have it both ways, able to have the great friendships, and then, turn on a dime, a great manager/employee relationship - but to be honest, sometimes those two relationships do not overlap - you just sort of need to make a decision of what is more important.

Wow, I hadn't even thought about that. I guess in high school friends are a big part of productions, and you're always hanging out with the cast after hours. I've definitely thought a lot about what managing a professional show would be like, but I never really considered that like most professional jobs, your business and personal lives are not intertwined. However, how do stage managers even have friends, then? I know that's a rude question, but the job itself requires so much time, commitment, and effort that I can't imagine when you would have time to meet people and make relationships.

Once again, I'm sure there are a million threads about this, which I will search momentarily. However, I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts about this that tie back to my original question?

MatthewShiner

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2011, 07:59 pm »
It's funny, as you age, you don't quiet have the mass amount of friends you spend time with on a daily basis.  I have a partner, a child, my family, and a small core group of friends - and then a small circle of acquaintances.  But, I work very hard at keeping work over there and personal life over here.  After work, I may stop by and have a drink with a friend, or a work associate, but I truly enjoy a quiet night a home with my partner and my two dogs.  It's a nice way of dealing with the stress . . . it also keeps me out of the fray of all some of the pettiness which sometimes comes from combining work and social life.

But you know, there is a way to treat stage management like a job and have a life outside of the job.
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Anything posted here as in my own personal opinion, and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of my employer - whomever they be at a given moment in time.

ReyYaySM

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2011, 11:46 pm »
My best friend is an actor.  It was an instantaneous friendship when we met on a show a few years ago.  I don't remember now if it was his idea or mine, but we came up with the concept of "Friend Renee" and "SM Renee" (and Actor BFF/Friend BFF) to establish who we were talking to.  We've gotten so good at it now that we can flip on a dime as to whether we're engaged in a conversation as SM and actor or as two friends.  I don't treat him any differently than I do any other actor.  Others are generally aware that he and I are close, but there's definitely no favoritism exhibited.  Over the years I've had a few other actors who I'm friendly with adopt the same sort of routine.  It's a careful balancing act, but it is possible to be a friend and an SM, and it can be extremely rewarding when you're able to master it. 

Maribeth

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2011, 12:10 am »
I have a lot of friends who are actors- I almost never work with any of them. I also consider a lot of the actors that I do work with to be friends, but more "colleague-type friends". For me, one of the things I look forward to as a stage manager is getting to work with people I've worked with before and whose company I enjoy. I treat them just the same as anyone else, and I've never had any real issues with having a friend in one of my shows.

It's different in college or high school- you spend a lot more time with your peers, and inevitably your friends will be in your show. The best advice that I can think of for a situation like that is that you teach people how to treat you. Act professionally and expect professionalism from everyone in your cast (friend or no). Be clear about your expectations, and hold people to the standard you set.

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2011, 04:21 am »
Old school SMs never socialized w casts with rare exception and on certain occasions, keeping a distance so they had credibility when notes etc had to be given, but these days I find more young SMs grabbing lunch etc w their casts. Generally speaking however, in my experience actors tend to exclude the SM in the casual stuff like drinks after, reinforced by the fact that they are often done and gone before we leave the theater.

When I have SMd shows populated with actor friends, we have discussed it ahead of time so ground rules are clear.

BeccaTheSM

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2011, 09:25 am »
When I was Stage Managing in school, it was impossible to do a show without several friends being in the cast. I understand your concerns -- hey, it's not like you could just pick another show with another cast. While I was friendly with most of the students in my department, I had only a few choice friends. Those closest to me witnessed my work outside of rehearsal and gained a respect for what my job entailed. I think that helped them, so that they knew that when I was in "Stage Manager Mode," as they started to call it, I was not their friend but an authority figure. I think my "Stage Manager Mode" consists of a slightly different voice - most specifically the tone and weight given to each word. I've been told that I don a determined expression when I enter "The Mode". It's all about having a professional demeanor -- behave like a professional, and you'll be treated like one.
Art, in itself, is an attempt to bring order out of chaos. - Stephen Sondheim

BARussell

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Re: Achieving a Professional Understanding
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2011, 10:36 am »
This is less of a solution and more of a fact of life, but if you are lucky, or unfortunate in some cases, your friends will treat you like an SM outside of rehearsal. I actually wish this didn't happen but if you are struggling with maintain the the correct relationships it might be a good thing. Sometimes actors don't realize that SMing is a job that sometimes influences your life, rather than a complete way of life. In my case friends expect me to organize all outings, always be ontime, and be responsible for making sure people get home, etc. By nature I would do this anyway but it would be nice for it not to be expected, cause seriously who wants to be working 24 hours/day.
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