"I can't do that on stage."

[BlueRidgeSM]

This has never actually happened to me, but I dread the day that it does.  I cannot imagine how anyone would be able to thread a needle onstage.  I am not an actor, but it makes me nervous just thinking about it.  If I ever do a show where this is required, I will definitely try to figure out a way to pre-thread the needle.  It just seems like it would be incredibly awkward and there is a potential for a huge long silence while the actor tries to repeatedly thread the needle... yeah. 

[bex]

Pinning a hat onto a wig yourself, onstage, with no mirror, while singing. Using one of the old-fashioned 8-inch-long hat pins. Mother in Ragtime did this and it was honestly one of the most impressive things I've ever seen someone do onstage. She made it look completely natural and effortless. I've had to pin hats onto actors before and frankly I find it terrifying! This giant straight pin coming at their scalp... How she did it with no mirror just amazes me.

[BeccaTheSM]

This has never actually happened to me, but I dread the day that it does.  I cannot imagine how anyone would be able to thread a needle onstage.  I am not an actor, but it makes me nervous just thinking about it.  If I ever do a show where this is required, I will definitely try to figure out a way to pre-thread the needle.  It just seems like it would be incredibly awkward and there is a potential for a huge long silence while the actor tries to repeatedly thread the needle... yeah. 

They make these easy-to-thread needles now. I've been sick at home the past few days and saw only a million infomercials for them, they have a catch built into the eye so you only have to loop the thread and slide it along the needle and it will automatically catch the thread. Kind of cool, and a decent option if needle and thread MUST start apart for some reason.

Also, I did a show where an actor had to properly clean and load a handgun which later had to actually fire the blanks he loaded onstage. All this while delivering a tongue-twister of a monologue. At least he wasn't moving around, too -- just sitting in a chair. But still, it became one of his pre-show warm-ups every night.

[On_Headset]

Both from the same show.

Act 1: Actor sits on a bar stool.

Actor cannot do this. The blocking requires that the actor approach it by taking a few steps backwards, and inevitably they trip over it or knock it over or slide off of it or, on one memorable occasion, miss it completely, "sit" on thin air, and crash to the ground.

Actor is moved to the sofa instead.


Act 2: Actor perches on arm of sofa while holding a glass of brandy.

Actor cannot sit on arm of sofa. Actor inevitably slides off to one side or the other. (Since the sofa is occupied in this moment, this involves sliding into the lap of a castmate.) Costumes begins to complain about frequency of brandy-spills.

After futive design meeting about possibility of adding velcro to the bottom of actor's pants, change blocking to have actor lean on the bar instead.


I never thought I'd see the day when someone needed help sitting, but there you have it.