Oh goodness, I lost it at “I mean, I had to fire the goddam donkey." This is great!
I'm actually working on my third show involving donkeys this year. Two of them have been human actors portraying donkeys, but the other involved a donkey and a sheep. Aside from all the, ahem, filth, on stage, the hugest problem was getting them up and down, twice, by elevator. The first time they get in is easy, but the other three they already know what the elevator does!