There is a difference between being a lighting designer at a church, and a lighting designer for a theatre production.
Lighting design for a theatrical production is 2/3rds planning, 1/3rd implementation and operation.
You attend production meetings to learn how the show is going to look and feel, you meet with the director, you throw arround ideas, you attend rehearsals, and you observe.
Churches are often "We want blue and red... more red... no, more blue... just blue on the left.." etc - I am not churchy, but I have worked for them, and often, just as with the industry I am in now (events), you get memo's like "Can you make it a bit brighter on stage" during the middle of the show.
Theatre is totally different. During the lighting plot, you pretty much set the levels and looks, tweeking after the show or during tech etc. Almost never whilst an audience is in the house.
Now onto stage management. Nothing is certain. Pay is (generally) at the lower end of the scale (as is most theatrical work) and as a general rule, unless you are lucky, you will not walk into a salaried role - often you start off going from show to show, contract to contract, and I will not lie, it is hard. Theatre is a tricky thing too - it seems to go through phases and seasons. Theatre will be 'hot' one year, and not so hot the next, and within the year, there are busy seasons, and quiet seasons. And that is the same with almost all theatrical jobs.
I will say this though, in an attempt to not frighten you off - if you wake up in the morning, and you look arround and all you can see yourself doing in the future is stage managing or lighting, or working in the theatre in some way, then you should go for it. If, on the other hand, you wake up in the morning and can think of nothing but going back to bed for another 5 minutes... maybe theatre is not the job for you (after all, the hours suck, and you learn very quickly that 5 minutes as an SM can throw off your day)
p.s. It is not so much how "Bossy" you are, but rather how easily you can take control of a situation and direct people - there is a difference - bossy people are disliked, commanding people are respected ;-)