Dealing with rude emails

[ZacAttack]

I've been searching around the forums but haven't found anything specifically on this topic.

I need some help on how to deal with rude and inappropriate emails. I am a student stage manager at a University, and right now I'm working on a main stage production. In my department I'm used to getting emails with people complaining to me through email. But this show seems to be worse than usual. I'm getting complaints from faculty design advisors (who I am required to cc on any communication), designers, shop supervisors, and our TD, sometimes they complain about things that have nothing to do with them or their department. And all of them feel it is necessary to cc the entire production team, and sometimes unrelated faculty. From my point of view it feels as if they are trying to call me out, or put me on blast for mistakes I've made or they feel I am responsible for. And some have just been completely inappropriate.  Here's an example of the types of emails I get. I've replaced sensetive information with italicized caps.

-----------------------------------------------
From:   FACULTY COSTUME DESIGNER
To:   STAGE MANAGER
Cc:   ENTIRE PRODUCTION TEAM AND DEPARTMENT HEAD

STAGEMANAGER,
So, I'm here to take photos. All to find out, we're not taking photos tonight. I've received no notification at all. I don't have a rehearsal report from last night. There's no email or phone call letting me know it's been moved to tomorrow. There was no response to my message to you with my photo request saying it was moved. I don't have junk mail on this account, so I don't think it went there.
Do I sound pissed. I am. It would be best if you didn't respond.
-----------------------------------------------

In no way am I trying to say I did nothing wrong. The report did not get sent out, it got stuck in my outbox (server problems) and I was unaware. But I feel emails with this tone, and to everyone, are unnecessary and unprofessional, especially from faculty.  And this is not a rare occurence, nor is it only this person.

My question is how would you deal with something like this?

[iamchristuffin]

They say don't respond, so I wouldn't. Maybe give it a day, then go and see them (always better to talk thing through face-to-face) and apologise. If they seem in a better mood after that, MAYBE then say how you felt about the email.

Good luck!
C

[PSMKay]

The "don't respond to this" bit is a passive aggressive little fit. They want to have the last word but when they're complaining about lack of communication you can't just let it sit. I would suggest a direct email w/o cc to the photographer:

"Sorry for wasting your time. I will do my best to make sure it does not happen again, and hope we can both work to improve our two-way communication once everyone has had a little time to think through some possible solutions."
And then an oblique postscript to the next day's report something like this:

"Unfortunately, I seem to be having difficulties with my email system. As you know, reports are normally in your inbox by (X Time) each day, so if you do not receive it by then on any given day please reach out to me and let me know. I do not always have control over problems with my email server but will do my best get you a report by some other way if this kind of server failure happens again."

With an optional:

"In the future, I will make a hard copy of the daily report available at (central location Y) in case of technical failures."

... if you see fit to do so.

You messed up, but they didn't bother to track you down before hand and confirm the photo shoot. Take the fall for it and present a solution.

[nick_tochelli]

In addition to Kay's solution (which is fantastic) I'd also suggest you CC yourself to every single solitary email you send out to the staff and cast. If you don't get it, neither did they.

There is no easy way as a student to "fight the power" of a faculty member who has decided to make an example out of someone. That's why their cc went to everyone including the Department Head. They're making a power play because they wasted time they didn't have to.

As for people CCing everyone on the production team to every email..that's somewhat standard. It opens lines of communication within a production. Obviously I'm not privy to what is being said so it may be entirely unproductive, but if the team is complaining about the way something is coming together then its best to get others involved so everyone is in the loop. Is this usually done during production meetings? Yes. But this is still a valid way to keep communication lines open.

But long and short of it: You've got to fall on this grenade. Not to sound crass but it is your fault that the circle of communication fell apart (even though it's not your fault your email server failed and its certainly not your fault your Costume Designer threw a teenage worthy temper tantrum), but if you follow Kay's advice about how to counter this particular form of snark you should be able to come out as far ahead as you can.

[MatthewShiner]

To solve the email issue, like Nick, I send all emails to me, and blind cc everyone else - it keeps the Repsond All issue to minimum and then I know when these go out.

And then given the photo call being moved, it might have been best to contact the person directly - via phone and not email - since you probably needed to check to see if they are available.  I don't think the tone is actually that rude - trust me, I have gotten much ruder for things that were NOT my fault.

I think you have to understand when someone is angry, put out, etc, it may came across as something rude . . . but what you are reading is anger, frustration, and they need someplace to vent it.

[Mac Calder]

The biggest issue I have with the "shirty" email you received is that it should not have been sent to all and sundry. It should have been to you, CC'ed to your direct faculty advisor and that is it. Since it was a member of the faculty, one would assume they know that dirty laundry should not be aired like that.

[KMC]

I have dealt with similar attitude issues.  My solution was to fire the party in question, which worked wonderfully, though clearly that is not an option for you here. 

I would not respond.  The attitude and tenor of the email is clearly incendiary.  Your response will not better the situation regardless of what you say.  This person has actually done you a great favor in cc-ing the world.  Everyone is witness to their attitude and demeanor. 

I'd recommend alerting the dean of your school or college (depending on how the university is structured) by forwarding this email verbatim and requesting a meeting. 

There's two possibilities here:

1) You're in the wrong and faculty members are not properly coaching you on how to improve.
2) You're in the right and are being assaulted by faculty. 

Regardless, you're not being served by your universty.  You need to run that up the flagpole and hold the powers that be responsible to make it right.

[bex]

I fought this battle A LOT while I was in school, and I would have to say that from my personal experience, I would recommend a combined approach- Kay's solution is professional and stands a chance of making the peace in the here-and-now, but I cannot suggest highly enough that you take this up the food chain- obviously your department head was cc'ed on the email, but a private meeting would not be amiss, and keep going up to higher administration if you have to.  You are a student, and the bottom line in this situation is that your faculty is not teaching you- they are neither setting a good example nor offering you constructive criticism to improve upon your mistakes.

[ZacAttack]

Thank you all very much for the helpful responses.  I had already responded to this particular email before I posted it to the forum. I sent a private email to the designer apologizing to them for wasting their time and explaining what happened, then an email to the entire production team apologizing for the report not getting out, and assuring them I won't let it happen again. Thank you Nick and Matt for the advice on cc'ing myself and bcc'ing all others. I think that will correct both problems I had, and prevent future issues of the misuse of "reply to all".

I recently sent out an email asking all members of the production team to refrain from using "reply to all" unless it is necessary, as it is a time waster for those who aren't related to the email, and may come across as unprofessional depending on the contents. (I didn't say in the email, but from my perspective these emails are either trying to make an example of me, or are a result of laziness on the part of the emailer not wanting to compose a new email.)

I'm afraid I'm letting my senioritis get the better of me lately, in the past I've taken the usual "yes sir/ma'am, I apologize and it won't happen again." But I, and other students have been taking hits like this the entire four years I've been here.

I had never considered going to the dean of the college on this, but I think I might, thank you for the suggestion. Especially after I got a message from the head of the department basically telling me it is not my place to question or disagree with my superiors and my only response should be "yes sir/ma'am". So I don't believe I will get any help there, as well as being told "we aren't doing post mortems this year". Which tells me there is no interest in improving and learning, and no forum to bring up such issues.

[bex]

Another piece of advice- if you feel that this is a widespread issue (as in, students in your department are consistently being mistreated/disrespected/whatever in the same manner) it would be helpful to either have a group of you approach the dean together or have everyone write individual statements detailing their concerns. It's very easy for an administrator to dismiss one dissenting student as a troublemaker or overly sensitive, but if there is a group of you it becomes harder to ignore.

[brettnexx]

The way I view a show in a school is that it is practice for the real world, so the whole team should act as they would in the real world. The only person you would treat as a prof is your advisor when they are in the advisor role.

I was SMing a show in november, and my advisor was also the lighting designer. He told me that I would get the cue synopsis early on in the process because it was a cue heavy show, for my first show calling, and the sequences were tight. It was getting very close to levels, and I didn't have it yet, and I had to email him three times to get the synopsis. One of my emails was not the nicest one, it wasn't rude, but it could've been better. I asked him about the email later, and he said that it was perfectly fine because he told me he was going to do something, and he didn't....

The costume coordinator, if they are a prof, should not expect you to treat them as a professor on the show, they should expect you to treat them as a costume coordinator, and anything else will just hinder your growth as a stage manager

[MatthewShiner]

The costume coordinator, if they are a prof, should not expect you to treat them as a professor on the show, they should expect you to treat them as a costume coordinator, and anything else will just hinder your growth as a stage manager

I am unsure what side you are coming down on this issue.  In the high end, non-profit world, if I had let that happen, I would have gotten expected to get chewed out by the costume designer, the production manager and eventually general management.

But, as a stage manager, let's look at it from the bigger picture - and she is a professor - so she is not just dealing with the show (or shows) like a professional designer would in the world, she is dealing with course loads, advising, meetings, etc, etc . . . to waste her time is a BIG deal, especially with a failure to communicate.  So, she should be treated as a costume coordinator with a very BUSY schedule - and I find nothing n the original post asking her to be treated as something else.

AND I don't think this is hindering anyone's growth as a stage manager - I think know the original poster will be more careful with email communication and learn to follow up with phone calls as needed with their a last minute or late schedule change.  AND, realize that, in the end, being passive about something like this - like slipping a schedule change into rehearsal report, may not be as proactive and agressive in stage management as they want to be.

I don't think, in this case, it would be ideal to just put in the report, we are moving photo call - although it should have been in the report.   The key players could have been notified separately about the cancelation, and then the conversation could have been started about WHEN photos could be rescheduled.   What if the night in question was the ONLY night photos could have been taken (with professional designer's schedules . . . they are sometimes only one night.)

The other thing we DON'T know is this might have been a perfect storm of incidents, which required  the tone of response.  The reason to flag it to multiple people (especially the department head) is to make sure the line of communication is open.  (In most cases, a professor is wise in dealing with such emails to email the department head so it doesn't turn into a he said/she said situation later.)

I think the issue of "wasting time" and "break down of communication" is being taken a little to lightly, this is a HUGE and costly situation.  If my PR department hired a photographer to come in and shoot photos, and I forgot to tell them about the time change, then we just wasted three peoples night, a fee for the photographer, and perhaps missing a press deadline.  We are also not aware of if this is the first such incident and the professor flew off the handle, or the end of several incidents.

I would be interested to see how the original poster had this all resolved and how it played out.

[brettnexx]

I never said that the email was warranted or not. I actually think the email was 100% warranted, because the exact thing happened to me when I was a costume coordinator (for a production course designed to practise being a department head), going to the extreme of the stage manager not answering calls (both to her cell phone and office phone), as well as not showing up for a meeting we had scheduled that same day (the meeting was scheduled the week before).

I was more posting in reply to others that said that she needed to be less rude because of her status as professor.

[LimeGreenTechie]

I've had several issues like this regarding our resident faculty costume designer. I realize how frustrating it can be, but I have found it best to simply apologize for any inconvenience and assure them that it will never happen again. The rudeness, unfortunately, cannot be taken back, but as stage manager, you can take the high road and return the rudeness with kindness.

It's best, in my experience, to keep the response short and simple, and with such a tone that cannot be read as angry or any other emotion.

Because it is a faculty member, I would suggest going to the head of the department and reporting it. I am lucky in the fact that our department is small and pretty well-knit, but reporting this type of behavior from a faculty member is important. The lines between student and professor become kind of blurred during show time, especially with a student stage manager, but it doesn't change that they are your professor during normal school hours, and they are not permitted to behave as such.

Good luck, I hope everything works out.