Being friends with the SM

[MatthewShiner]

I think it all depends on if your actors will understand the difference between you being their friend, and you being in charge of them.

Also remember that it's NOT just if you and Bob understand the limitations/specifics of being friends now and being business later, you have to make sure that Eric, also in the cast, understands the limitations/specifics of "you and Bob" being friends now and being business later.

I just don't think people in the business world struggle with these options.  At the end of the day, I think it's a bit more professional and bit easier at the end of the day to keep you work world and your business world SEPARATE - I know it's hard, but few things in Stage Management are easy.

[bemalk]

I have had a lot of issues balancing this in my past.  It was mainly a problem in college when I was living with some of my actors.  I had some issues with them not respecting me and back-talking in the rehearsal room and when this would happen I would pull them aside either at rehearsal on a break or as soon as we got home to have a discussion about how I knew we had a personal relationship as well but in the theatre I was in charge and if they had any issues to approach me about it in a professional manner(whether in or out of the theatre) so we could discuss it.

I do like the suggestion of telling everyone that outside of theatre you can be buddies but inside it's work.  Once in the professional world I haven't had many issues with this(except when working with people who are on their first professional job sometimes).  But I love to be friends will all of my cast and crew if possible.  It not only makes work more fun but it typically also makes your company respect you more and vise versa. 

BEST OF LUCK

[DCPSM2012]

I partially agree with Matthew here- but I feel like you shouldn't have to work to keep things "separate".

I haven't had much experience- but maybe it's best just to be civil to everyone, even those who don't return the sentiment. If you make friends, you make friends. If you stay distant for the sake of focusing on the task at hand, so be it. So long as you understand that business is business, and everyone is there to do a job, then the issue of "friendship" shouldn't matter so much.

On the one hand, I've got friends in a cast who listen to what I have to say and more-or-less follow through on what I'm asking them to do. On the other hand, I've got friends who try to use our relationship to take advantage and weasel their way out of working. It's this hand that you have to worry about- especially in high school. Not everyone understands how important a show can be to a stage manager- for many kids, it's "just a high school show". When performers start abusing your relationship with them, it's time to draw the line.

Case in point though- if you're civil with everyone, then your reputation is likely to proceed you. Be fair, but not brutal. Focus on running a smooth and efficient show, and everything else should fall into place.

Best of Luck!

[ejsmith3130]

I think the biggest difference here is between educational theatre (highschool/college) and professional theatre. When you are working in school settings, these people are likely to have been your friends prior to the production- you all hang out in the same social circle. I experianced this all through college when I stage managed in a really small department. We were all with eachother all the time and I didn't really have any friends outside of the major, simply because it was hard to cultivate a friendship with someone who didn't understand that even after classes I would have to go to rehearsals every night. Because of this type of relationship with people you will also end up managing, I found it best to just simply state before you started a show that you take your job as an SM or ASM very seriously and when in rehearsal there will be no special treatment. All of my friends seemed to respect that, and even when I had to write up my roomate for breaking the rules during a production (we had a penalty system in college) we were able to overcome that. Of course it can get awkward sometimes, but if you take the first step and act professional towards all, the cast and crew usually follow suit.

As a case in point- I dated someone in the theatre department in college and very often he was in the shows that I was stage managing. For most people this was a huge taboo- they would get in big trouble and not be able to seperate work and their personal life. I took this as a challenge though, and we both were always extreemly professional. In fact several years running the freshman class didn't even know we were dating until they hung out with us outside of rehearsal.

The big difference I have found in transitioning to professional theatre is that you don't have these really strong bonds with people (usually) coming into the production. Most of the time I don't know anyone. This makes it really easy to seperate your work and personal life. One of my favorite things would be coming back to work after a dark day or two and chatting with everyone about what we did on our days off- it was refreshing to have different friends and experiances. 

I agree with matt too about the stage manager/asm relationship- I think it is great to go out for coffee or a meal a few times during the production (especially if you have long days) or even out to the bar after- but you have your seperate lives. Their is a line between networking professionally and getting into someones back pocket and becoming 'besties' after one production.

All in all I find if you treat everyone professionally and promptly deal with any problems in a fair and equal way (there are usually guidelines/rules in a school show that make this easier) then you shouldn't have any problems.

[mgaskin]

Hey I just stage managed my first show "Rent" at my college.

It seemed that I just talked to everyone and made sure to get along with everyone. It depends on what type of person you are too. I'm the type that can get along with everyone and is nice to everyone.

I did stay out of gossip though.

I rarely had to yell or reprimand the only problem was keeping people quiet of course.

I hope this helps! Good luck you will do a great job!