I see where you're coming from, and I don't think you're being too demanding. As a matter of fact, this is all common practice in professional theater. However, your approach comes across as demanding, which will guarantee resistance. I suggest logical statements which make the quality of the performance the priority.
This is a rule.
-During a performance, never distract the SM or technicians unless there is a safety issue.
Because:
-You are giving the current show your full attention. Notes given mid-performance may not be successfully recorded and may not be implemented in future shows.
-Distractions will cause further errors.
Directors with poor impulse control must be politely asked to write the note down, or ignored if absolutely necessary, then given your full attention in a postshow notes session. Avoid all mention of yelling or any kind of shaming. You may be right, but it will get you nowhere.
These are good:
-The show is "frozen" on opening, because actors & technicians do their best when they can fully focus on their performance without having to incorporate changes without additional rehearsal time. Many of your demands are duplicates of this core concept.
-Notes are best given through one person, the stage manager, because the SM has an eye on the "ripple effect" and will keep everyone in the loop who may be affected by the change. That's just efficient.
-Meetings are best arranged through one person for the same reason.
A corollary to the "frozen" issue - a director will resist freezing a show because rehearsal wasn't finished or because they can't let it go.
-an SM who develops a relationship with a director can help them pace themselves so that they accomplish as much as they can in the time they are given. You indicated this was not an issue.
-directors who can't let go just have to be managed. In time you may earn their trust, or you may not. The urge to make it better will never go away. And you know what? That's what makes them a director. Honor that. And then hit them with the logic.
-Tech rehearsal does not include sitzprobe or mic checks or sound checks for balancing. These are all separate calls.
This ain't happening:
-expecting the director to attend as a patron. The director's brain will never shut off director mode. Perhaps the director will learn efficient methods of information delivery. Perhaps they will learn to trust you. But they will never stop being a director. If you want them to respect you as a stage manager, then you must respect them as a director.
Bonus points if you have lunch with the director to discuss a "post-mortem" of the last show: what went well, and what to change the next time around, and how to achieve that.
It's your show, whether the director thinks of it as yours or not. Keep that thought, not as a sense of ownership, but a sense of stewardship.
Don't take it personally. Every issue is a problem to be identified, and then a problem to be solved. But it's not about you. Well, unless you make it about you.
The best thing that you can do to prepare for your future is to learn these valuable diplomatic skills. If you move on from this experience to AEA contracts, much of this will disappear, but the skills you learn now will serve you well in the future in even trickier situations!
Last, go with your gut. Do you want to work this director's next show?