COMMUNICATION: Be agressive?? Be, be agressive?!

[StageSerenity]

One thing that I'm always told from directors is that I can be more "agressive". However, when I ASM, I notice that when the stage manager is "agressive" the cast and even sometimes the director find their behavior overwhelming (which I agree with).

My dilemma, how do I become more "agressive" without being too agressive?
(The word I'm looking for is assertive.)

Thanks

[MatthewShiner]

I think a better word is assertive.

Being a good, or great stage manager, you need to be an assertive leader. 

How you do that, and how it fits into your style . . . that's the art of the management.

[SamanthaR]

I think you are already on the right track in noticing what approaches garner what results.  Shadow, observe, work with varied people, learn how you like to communicate.

[KMC]

Aggressive can imply you're not in control of your behavior or emotions. I've been there early in my career, and trust me when I say it's not a good look.

You certainly want to be able to be firm, but in a professional and respectful manner.  And as always, this is but one tool in your managerial tool box. Knowing which tool to use and when is what separates the elite managers from the pack.

[TheWiseTurtle]

I've had similar problems! The thing that has helped me is to remember that no two jobs are the same; some people respond better to different things. My first show in college I rubbed my director the wrong way a lot because he did not like the flow of the room to be caught on a break announcement. Eventually we worked out a warning card system that he could look at whenever he wanted to get an estimate of the time until a break, and the rest of the shows we worked on together went great.
There were also directors who preferred I be more present on stage rather than lurking; some would swing randomly back and forth and I had to essentially take a reading on them at the top of the rehearsal to dictate my behavior that night.
If nothing else, do your job as best as you can!

[LexieTaylor]

One of my personal bad habits (working on it!) is that I sometimes ask people to do things instead of telling them. Ex. "Will you please kill the works for me?" where it can be just as polite, but more assertive to tell people to do things. "Kill the works please."
I know that sometimes people will respond the same to either, but with others little things like that can make a big difference in whether they see you as a co-worker on a level playing field or as a people manager.

[MatthewShiner]

The ask versus tell is a big deal . . . but, sometimes the ask is just a nice formality.

I got dinged early in my career by a production manager for thanking people for doing what is their job.

"You don't need to thank them, we pay them".

I still feel like a thank you is nice.

[Mac Calder]

With the asking not telling - I find that if you reprimand with something along the lines of "I was not actually asking, I was being polite. Kill the workers please." people will very quickly learn that you are polite, but do not mistake politeness for weakness.

I always use please and thank you - I would have told the production manager who made that comment, Matthew, just because we are paying them does not mean we don't have to be polite and thankful for tasks being done promptly and well.