My call at 5:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this evening's performance of _____________. It's now five minutes to showtime, and we ask that all cell phones, pagers, and digital watch alrms be turned to their "off" position. If you are unable to do this for any reason, contact one of the house staff, and they will be happy to check your device for you. All recording devices, including digital cameras, are prohibited in the theatre. A reminder that there will be cigarette smoking during th first act of tonight's performance, as well as certified hypoallergenic waterbased fog and haze. Pyrotechnics, strobe lights, and simulated gunshots will also be part of tonight's exciting performance of __________. If you believe these effects will interfere with your enjoyment of tonight's show, please ask any of the ushers to connect you with the house manager, who will do her best to reseat you as comfortably as possible.
Thank you for your attention, and enjoy ______________________. "
It's at that point, incidentally, that I call a "cell phone check" in the booth as well. At the top of the show, I just do the understudy announcements, with a reminder at the end about the cellphones for anyone who came in late. I don't want to have a big seat shuffle going on while I'm trying to start the show. I never really thought about a bad language warning- let the buyer beware, I guess. I have the house staff take care of warning any patrons coming in with young children at the box office and the lobby. Otherwise, patrons who are that sensitive to bad language and loud noises should read the play before they go out to see it!